It’s been quite some time since I blogged last, however this does not surprise me... When I am on and off plan like during the months of November and December 2010, I don’t want to track things. I don’t want to share because I am angry at myself for not being on plan like I should be. Some other words that come to mind are embarrassed, disappointed, indifferent. I basically want to check out :(
I am one of those people who only wants to share the good stuff. I like to share how well my program is going. But I hate to talk about my failures, my mess ups, the stuff that requires 100% honesty. That stuff my friends is hard to look at square in the face. Perhaps it's because I think those that read this will think less of me. I would be lying if I said it didn't matter because it does. But no matter how much all that stuff matters to me, I should be doing this blog for me and only me. It’s easy to write about things when your on track and doing well. But this is not the case when you are face down in the food.
My lowest weight on this journey was the 363.4 on 11/17/10. Since then, I have made some good food choices, but for the most part, I have not been on plan. My highest gain happened on 12/1/10, where I weighed in at 372.4. The holiday’s are the hardest time of year for most of us. But to be quite honest, it does not matter to me whether it’s holiday season or not. When I start eating cake, candy, refined carby foods I am done. Sometimes, I can get back to the business of healthy eating by the next meal, other times, it has taken weeks or months, sadly, even years.
My plan this month is to minimize the damage as much as possible. I know that I will not eat perfectly this month, but I going to work really hard to get off the processed foods as part of my choices. Except for the actual holiday. I am going to work on sticking to “real foods.”
My best friend from New York sent me a text this morning, which prompted this post. She asked me if I was okay, and what happened to my Monday, Monday updates?? I loved hearing that she looks forward to reading my blog. That it allows her to feel connected to me eventhough we are 3000 miles apart. You know, I was thinking about sisters the other day, and how close sisters may be. Then I thought about the sisterly friends we make sometimes, not sisters by blood, but by choice. She is my chosen sister, and I am so grateful that God put her in my life. Thank you for caring about me and loving me even when I am not doing such a great job of loving myself.
The “what happened” is that my choices have been been more off plan than on since Thanksgiving Day. As a result, I didn’t feel I had anything good to share. When I mess up with my eating plan I feel shame. When I feel ashamed I isolate. It’s what I do. And while I know that I am not the only one who struggles with this, I need to learn to share all of me. Not just the parts of me that I think you will like or the parts that I think you all just want to hear. I need to post the good, the bad, and the ugly. I need to use this blog as the tool that it was intended to be. I need to stop checking out no matter what goes on with my food. I need to learn that going off program is not a moral issue. It does not make me a bad person nor a good person. It's just makes me human. I need to learn to love myself flaws and all. I must stop defining myself by what I put in my mouth. Being a good worthy person is not about whether I eat chocoloate cake or 4 ounces of lean protein. I am my worst critic and it serves no healthy purpose. It allows me to keep eating out of control.
Today the scale said 371.6. I need to lose 8.2lbs to get back to my lowest weight of the year. If I stop mucking about, I will do it.
Until next time, be well .
Linda~
Monday, December 13, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Day 105 Perfectly Imperfect
I knew from the very beginning of this weight loss attempt that this time things needed to be very different. From a food standpoint, I knew that there could be nothing really off limits per se. That in order for me to sustain this way of life it had to be something I could do forever and ever.
In my past efforts to lose weight, every time I went off my food plan, I would get what I call stupid thinking. You know, the mentality of since you already blew it, you might as well eat all you want of whatever you want, quick!! All my binge foods would be singing my name and I would just justify the eating frenzy because I had already “blown it” right? Clearly, this way of thinking is what got me to be over 400lbs. It’s the feast or famine mentality that I had caused me to be so out of control. Today, if I “cheat” I get back on track ASAP. Instead of allowing the indulgence to own me, I am learning to own it and let it go. I am learning to be more gentle with myself and more forgiving of myself, not to be confused with making excuses for myself.
My comfort foods are definitely the hardest foods for me to control. But I have allowed myself to eat from those foods from time to time along this journey. There have been a few times where I have eaten from those foods like the old days. But what I have learned is that each and every day is a new day. Each meal, each day I get a clean slate to work from and I can pick up where I left off. I don’t have to stay in the mode of making unhealthy choices.
This weight loss journey does have its ups and downs for sure. But even during the times that I have made less than a perfect choices, I still managed to lose weight. I am learning how to minimize the damage by getting right back on track. I am learning that a slip does not have to spiral down into a major slide. And even if I do spiral out of control for a bit, I can turn things around at my next meal. I can be successful on this weight loss journey.
Listen, I am not aiming for perfection here. I just want to be able to live my life in a healthy body. I want to be the best I can be, but I am human. I am going to eat off program from time to time. But what I do to recover from those less than perfect decisions is what will decide how successful I will be. I am happy with my progress thus far. It’s funny, I am perfectly imperfect and that’s okay. As long as I get back to doing the work that needs done, I will reach my weight loss goals.
Today the scale reads 363.4. That’s 6 lbs down from last week’s weigh in of 369.4. Thank you God, I am grateful.
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
In my past efforts to lose weight, every time I went off my food plan, I would get what I call stupid thinking. You know, the mentality of since you already blew it, you might as well eat all you want of whatever you want, quick!! All my binge foods would be singing my name and I would just justify the eating frenzy because I had already “blown it” right? Clearly, this way of thinking is what got me to be over 400lbs. It’s the feast or famine mentality that I had caused me to be so out of control. Today, if I “cheat” I get back on track ASAP. Instead of allowing the indulgence to own me, I am learning to own it and let it go. I am learning to be more gentle with myself and more forgiving of myself, not to be confused with making excuses for myself.
My comfort foods are definitely the hardest foods for me to control. But I have allowed myself to eat from those foods from time to time along this journey. There have been a few times where I have eaten from those foods like the old days. But what I have learned is that each and every day is a new day. Each meal, each day I get a clean slate to work from and I can pick up where I left off. I don’t have to stay in the mode of making unhealthy choices.
This weight loss journey does have its ups and downs for sure. But even during the times that I have made less than a perfect choices, I still managed to lose weight. I am learning how to minimize the damage by getting right back on track. I am learning that a slip does not have to spiral down into a major slide. And even if I do spiral out of control for a bit, I can turn things around at my next meal. I can be successful on this weight loss journey.
Listen, I am not aiming for perfection here. I just want to be able to live my life in a healthy body. I want to be the best I can be, but I am human. I am going to eat off program from time to time. But what I do to recover from those less than perfect decisions is what will decide how successful I will be. I am happy with my progress thus far. It’s funny, I am perfectly imperfect and that’s okay. As long as I get back to doing the work that needs done, I will reach my weight loss goals.
Today the scale reads 363.4. That’s 6 lbs down from last week’s weigh in of 369.4. Thank you God, I am grateful.
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
Friday, November 12, 2010
Day 100 Where Will I Be On January 1st 2011?
I was on a very slippery slope this past weekend. Today I made the following decision that was inspired by a friend.
There are 49 days left until 2011.
If I work hard at losing weight, I might weigh 350 lbs on January 1st 2011.
If I wait, and indulge instead, I might weigh 390 on January 1st 2011.
I have thought it over and DECIDED that I would like to work hard and reach for the 350 pounds. So, over the next 49 days I will eat healthy foods. My effort level will be at 100%. I want to obtain the best results possible. I am worth it!
Wednesday 11/10/10 the scale read 369.4. That was a 3.2lb gain from the week prior due to many food indulgences over the last weekend.
I was able to reel my eating back in and get back on track on Tuesday 11/09/10.
What will you weigh on January 1st 2011? Have you decided?
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
There are 49 days left until 2011.
If I work hard at losing weight, I might weigh 350 lbs on January 1st 2011.
If I wait, and indulge instead, I might weigh 390 on January 1st 2011.
I have thought it over and DECIDED that I would like to work hard and reach for the 350 pounds. So, over the next 49 days I will eat healthy foods. My effort level will be at 100%. I want to obtain the best results possible. I am worth it!
Wednesday 11/10/10 the scale read 369.4. That was a 3.2lb gain from the week prior due to many food indulgences over the last weekend.
I was able to reel my eating back in and get back on track on Tuesday 11/09/10.
What will you weigh on January 1st 2011? Have you decided?
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Day 91 INSANITY
I decided that today’s post was not going to be so much about food. I have a lot on my mind right now, and since this journal is for me, it needs to be about me to help me. I want my journal to be a place where I can write what I feel is going on in my life to help me through this weight loss journey. It is the very stuff that is so hard to talk about, so personal. But if I don’t write it out, I won’t have any healing, and I want to get better.
My son is someone I love very much. Over the last 11 years of his 27 years on this earth, I have tried so hard to help him. Suffice to say that he struggles with an addiction along with other life issue. I have tried everything I know how to do to help him, but none of the things I tried worked. The one thing I have not tried is letting go. It’s something I should have done a long time ago. But in spite of knowing what I should do, the reality is that it’s very hard to do when it’s your own child. Because no matter what age they are, they are still YOUR children. But loving him to death was never my intention.
"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and
expecting different results. "
For the last 11 years, I have been living in an insane situation. And while I know that the only person I can change is me, I persisted in helping my son because he kept coming back to me saying he wanted to change. He would say all the right things I needed to hear in order to continue the insanity, and I bought it… hook, line, and sinker. I was willing to go to any lengths to help him help himself. But the wrong person was doing all the work. In the end, all the rules were broken, all the promises made were broken, and it saddens me to say that once again, I am exactly where I was 11 years ago. Heartbroken.
The one thing I forgot is we all must grow up and experience the consequences of our choices, good or bad. It is time that I give him the respect to live his life the way he chooses. I love him more than he will ever know. But it’s an illusion to believe that I could change anyone but myself. I pray that one day soon he will decide to do whatever it takes to turn his life around.
The 3 R’s of growing up:
The first R stands for taking responsibility; growing up is a process of taking increasing
responsibility for our choices and actions.
The second R is for doing the right thing, which almost always produces the best result and leaves us feeling good about ourselves.
The third R is for respecting ourselves, which leads us to make better choices and care more
about doing our best.
Today the scale said 366.2. That is 2.4 down from last week for a total of 32lbs down since 8/4/10.
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
My son is someone I love very much. Over the last 11 years of his 27 years on this earth, I have tried so hard to help him. Suffice to say that he struggles with an addiction along with other life issue. I have tried everything I know how to do to help him, but none of the things I tried worked. The one thing I have not tried is letting go. It’s something I should have done a long time ago. But in spite of knowing what I should do, the reality is that it’s very hard to do when it’s your own child. Because no matter what age they are, they are still YOUR children. But loving him to death was never my intention.
"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and
expecting different results. "
For the last 11 years, I have been living in an insane situation. And while I know that the only person I can change is me, I persisted in helping my son because he kept coming back to me saying he wanted to change. He would say all the right things I needed to hear in order to continue the insanity, and I bought it… hook, line, and sinker. I was willing to go to any lengths to help him help himself. But the wrong person was doing all the work. In the end, all the rules were broken, all the promises made were broken, and it saddens me to say that once again, I am exactly where I was 11 years ago. Heartbroken.
The one thing I forgot is we all must grow up and experience the consequences of our choices, good or bad. It is time that I give him the respect to live his life the way he chooses. I love him more than he will ever know. But it’s an illusion to believe that I could change anyone but myself. I pray that one day soon he will decide to do whatever it takes to turn his life around.
The 3 R’s of growing up:
The first R stands for taking responsibility; growing up is a process of taking increasing
responsibility for our choices and actions.
The second R is for doing the right thing, which almost always produces the best result and leaves us feeling good about ourselves.
The third R is for respecting ourselves, which leads us to make better choices and care more
about doing our best.
Today the scale said 366.2. That is 2.4 down from last week for a total of 32lbs down since 8/4/10.
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Day 84 Decide
I have heard this word a lot this week. Decide. I like this word. It is strong and powerful.
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines the word decide as follows:
a : to make a final choice or judgment about
b : to select as a course of action —used with an infinitive
Well I have DECIDED that even if the number on my scale does not line up with my dedication and good choices concerning my food, I will not stray. I will not stuff my face with food and throw my hands up in defeat. No, I have decided to just keep on doing exactly what I have been doing. Eat healthy foods, write down what goes into my mouth, and continue to track my 1500 calories each and every day.
The only thing I might change is weighing in so often. I think I am going to start weighing in every two weeks instead of weekly. This will provide some distance between me and the scale. While I love it when number on the scale goes down, it's quite another story when the number goes up. Even more discouraging when you stayed the course and don't know why the scale shows a gain.
Today the scale says 368.6. That is a gain of 2.2 lbs from last week. I don’t feel I deserve this gain. But you can bet that the next weigh-in that number will go down. I have decided!
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines the word decide as follows:
a : to make a final choice or judgment about
b : to select as a course of action —used with an infinitive
Well I have DECIDED that even if the number on my scale does not line up with my dedication and good choices concerning my food, I will not stray. I will not stuff my face with food and throw my hands up in defeat. No, I have decided to just keep on doing exactly what I have been doing. Eat healthy foods, write down what goes into my mouth, and continue to track my 1500 calories each and every day.
The only thing I might change is weighing in so often. I think I am going to start weighing in every two weeks instead of weekly. This will provide some distance between me and the scale. While I love it when number on the scale goes down, it's quite another story when the number goes up. Even more discouraging when you stayed the course and don't know why the scale shows a gain.
Today the scale says 368.6. That is a gain of 2.2 lbs from last week. I don’t feel I deserve this gain. But you can bet that the next weigh-in that number will go down. I have decided!
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Day 78 Life In One Hand…
I have been thinking a lot lately about how all my life, I have used food to change my state of mind. Food has been everything from my recreation to my medication. It has been really hard to not allow myself to do that anymore. I mean, it’s what I have done ALL my life. Eating when happy, sad, angry, lonely, tired, bored, hurt, broken. Food has helped me get through some really rough times, and while I had to wear the results of those unhealthy food choices, eating those foods seemed to soothe my soul. It really did seem to help, even if just for a moment. It was my friend and my worst enemy all at the same time.
Doing life on life’s terms is really hard. Everyday I fight to not use food which is my choice of a mind altering substance Is there life without participating in the all you can eat buffets? I mean, ever since I can remember it has been all about the food. In my world, food has taken up so much of my time. And now that the holidays are just weeks away, one after another, it will be even more important than ever to stay the course. To not go back into thinking that just this one time, or I can start over tomorrow. Because that thinking is a lie. There will be no tomorrow if I allow the food to creep back in like before.
I know I need a game plan. I know that just because it is Halloween, Thanksgiving Day, or Christmas it is not a license to binge or stuff myself with foods that only make my short and long terms goals just that much further away. No, I don’t need to throw in the towel and go back to the foods that I know I can’t handle eating. In order to escape from this obese body, I must be diligent in my efforts and not allow excuses to find their way back into my mind or life.
It is not easy to not mess around with the food. Food is everywhere, and I get to make the choice many times a day as to what I am going to feed my body. Food can longer long be a recreational thing I do. Not to say that it can’t be fun to eat. But, it just can’t be my everything anymore. There are some days that I am so happy to have found the power to fight back. But I won’t lie. There are other times that I am profoundly sad that I can’t eat the way I used to. Without thinking, without writing down everything that goes in my mouth. I find it tedious that I should have to write down what goes in my mouth. I want to be like other people, you know, those people who just seem to eat what they want and never gain a pound. However, I am not that naive to think that even those people really do have a method to their madness. Yes, there are a few folks out there that can eat whatever they want and never put on a single pound and never exercise. But, for the most part, most people have to balance what they eat with exercise and that does allow them to indulge a lot more in the foods they love and not pile on the pounds.
So my message for myself today is something that I have heard in the recovery rooms. We keep our food in one hand and our lives in the other (separate), and we don't mix them. food <-------> life …..DON'T CLAP!
For me, adhering to this concept must be a priority in order for me to be successful on this journey. So today, my life in one hand and my food in the other hand and I DO NOT CLAP!
Today the scales said 366.4. That is 3lbs down from last week for a total of 31.8lbs down since 8/4/10. I am so excited. I am doing this, one day a time. Once decision at a time.
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
Doing life on life’s terms is really hard. Everyday I fight to not use food which is my choice of a mind altering substance Is there life without participating in the all you can eat buffets? I mean, ever since I can remember it has been all about the food. In my world, food has taken up so much of my time. And now that the holidays are just weeks away, one after another, it will be even more important than ever to stay the course. To not go back into thinking that just this one time, or I can start over tomorrow. Because that thinking is a lie. There will be no tomorrow if I allow the food to creep back in like before.
I know I need a game plan. I know that just because it is Halloween, Thanksgiving Day, or Christmas it is not a license to binge or stuff myself with foods that only make my short and long terms goals just that much further away. No, I don’t need to throw in the towel and go back to the foods that I know I can’t handle eating. In order to escape from this obese body, I must be diligent in my efforts and not allow excuses to find their way back into my mind or life.
It is not easy to not mess around with the food. Food is everywhere, and I get to make the choice many times a day as to what I am going to feed my body. Food can longer long be a recreational thing I do. Not to say that it can’t be fun to eat. But, it just can’t be my everything anymore. There are some days that I am so happy to have found the power to fight back. But I won’t lie. There are other times that I am profoundly sad that I can’t eat the way I used to. Without thinking, without writing down everything that goes in my mouth. I find it tedious that I should have to write down what goes in my mouth. I want to be like other people, you know, those people who just seem to eat what they want and never gain a pound. However, I am not that naive to think that even those people really do have a method to their madness. Yes, there are a few folks out there that can eat whatever they want and never put on a single pound and never exercise. But, for the most part, most people have to balance what they eat with exercise and that does allow them to indulge a lot more in the foods they love and not pile on the pounds.
So my message for myself today is something that I have heard in the recovery rooms. We keep our food in one hand and our lives in the other (separate), and we don't mix them. food <-------> life …..DON'T CLAP!
For me, adhering to this concept must be a priority in order for me to be successful on this journey. So today, my life in one hand and my food in the other hand and I DO NOT CLAP!
Today the scales said 366.4. That is 3lbs down from last week for a total of 31.8lbs down since 8/4/10. I am so excited. I am doing this, one day a time. Once decision at a time.
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Day 71 Food
I worked really hard this last week to make healthy food choices and to reverse the gained weight from my unplanned binge last weekend. I am not going to lie and say it was easy. It wasn't. But I also realized that no two days are the same. Some days are easy no brainers and other days I struggle all day to make good choices. There are some days that I battle the food from the time I get up to the time I go to bed. It has been really hard to change the way I think about food and not be the person I have been around the food for over 42 yrs.
A Facebook friend of mine told me that it is important to understand that FOOD is not enemy. The enemy is ME. The battle that I am fighting is the wrong battle. I need to be my own champion and get out of my own way so I can be successful. I have lied to myself for years, and justified my behavior for so long so that I could continue to eat what I wanted, when I wanted it. It’s time to understand that food is my friend and it’s here to sustain me, and it’s me that abused that relationship, not the other way around. I am a work in progress.
Today the scale says 369.4. That’s 2.4 lbs down from my lowest weight of 371.8 two weeks ago. That's more like it!
Until next time, be well and happy.
Linda~
A Facebook friend of mine told me that it is important to understand that FOOD is not enemy. The enemy is ME. The battle that I am fighting is the wrong battle. I need to be my own champion and get out of my own way so I can be successful. I have lied to myself for years, and justified my behavior for so long so that I could continue to eat what I wanted, when I wanted it. It’s time to understand that food is my friend and it’s here to sustain me, and it’s me that abused that relationship, not the other way around. I am a work in progress.
Today the scale says 369.4. That’s 2.4 lbs down from my lowest weight of 371.8 two weeks ago. That's more like it!
Until next time, be well and happy.
Linda~
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Day 64 Taking the Scenic Route
This last week has been much harder than most weeks gone by. Last week, not losing weight really messed with my head. As much as I hate to admit it, it did. I tried to push away the feelings of disappointment for days. But by Sunday, it was all too much, and I decided to look the other way and went back to comforting myself with food. Yes, I made the decision to take the scenic route with my food. This is really old food addict behavior for me and I wish that I could find a way not to do it anymore.
For some reason, rather than working even harder when I gain or don’t lose at all, I get so caught up in feeling like such a loser. I get depressed and disappointed and I turn to my old friend food. Now where is the logic in that? I know, I know, it all comes from a purely emotional place. Since I am a food addict, it is what I do. I medicate and try to fix all of my problems with food. Yet the reason I struggle with so many problems in my life IS because of the overeating of the food. Sigh…..
The good news is that I got right back on track Monday morning. So my down time was minimized by my ability to bounce back faster than normal. But I must say, things are a lot harder this time around for me in the weight loss department. I am getting older, and not being able to walk has really made a difference in my ability to burn more fat. I have done some chair exercises, but it’s not the same as walking. I need to find ways to work out harder without have to use my hips or knees. I know that the pool at the local gym is another option, but getting to the pool is the hard part LOL. But I can’t make any excuses anymore because my body requires movement to be a more efficient burning machine.
I know a lot of folks say Progress, NOT perfection. I too preach that a lot. But I want to be perfectly on program. I don’t have time for willy nilly attempts. It’s a waste of time, time I can’t afford. I want to lose some weight each and every week. I want consistant results. But I must stop taking the the scenic detours along the way. I have smelled the roses for far too long. It’s time to take the sometimes down and dirty roads to my destintion. The only way to be a winner at this game is to keep my game face on and fight. Fight harder, with everything I got and never give up.
Today the scale says 375.2. That is a 3.4lbs gain. It is sure more fun posting a weight loss. But being honest is very important. I ate off program on Sunday, a lot off program, and the scale does not lie. But I will not let this defeat me. I have so much to gain if I don’t give up. Giving up can’t be an option. It hurts that I hurt myself with food. I wish I didn’t turn to the food, but I can’t take back what I did. I can only move forward and do better.
Game face on… YES! Big girl panties on…YES!
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
For some reason, rather than working even harder when I gain or don’t lose at all, I get so caught up in feeling like such a loser. I get depressed and disappointed and I turn to my old friend food. Now where is the logic in that? I know, I know, it all comes from a purely emotional place. Since I am a food addict, it is what I do. I medicate and try to fix all of my problems with food. Yet the reason I struggle with so many problems in my life IS because of the overeating of the food. Sigh…..
The good news is that I got right back on track Monday morning. So my down time was minimized by my ability to bounce back faster than normal. But I must say, things are a lot harder this time around for me in the weight loss department. I am getting older, and not being able to walk has really made a difference in my ability to burn more fat. I have done some chair exercises, but it’s not the same as walking. I need to find ways to work out harder without have to use my hips or knees. I know that the pool at the local gym is another option, but getting to the pool is the hard part LOL. But I can’t make any excuses anymore because my body requires movement to be a more efficient burning machine.
I know a lot of folks say Progress, NOT perfection. I too preach that a lot. But I want to be perfectly on program. I don’t have time for willy nilly attempts. It’s a waste of time, time I can’t afford. I want to lose some weight each and every week. I want consistant results. But I must stop taking the the scenic detours along the way. I have smelled the roses for far too long. It’s time to take the sometimes down and dirty roads to my destintion. The only way to be a winner at this game is to keep my game face on and fight. Fight harder, with everything I got and never give up.
Today the scale says 375.2. That is a 3.4lbs gain. It is sure more fun posting a weight loss. But being honest is very important. I ate off program on Sunday, a lot off program, and the scale does not lie. But I will not let this defeat me. I have so much to gain if I don’t give up. Giving up can’t be an option. It hurts that I hurt myself with food. I wish I didn’t turn to the food, but I can’t take back what I did. I can only move forward and do better.
Game face on… YES! Big girl panties on…YES!
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Day 57 Motivation
I knew this day would come. The day when the scale does not move in my favor one way or the other. I also knew that I was going to have continue to keep my motivation front and center to continue on this journey no matter what news the scale provides me on a weekly basis.
Today is one of those days. When you know you have done everything right, but the scale does not indicate that. On days like today when I don’t get that positive feedback from the number going down on the scale it is important to define the “why” I want to lose weight.
I decided that today would be a good day to remind myself of the “why” I want and need to lose this weight.
So I can become physically and mentally healthy.
So I am able to walk without pain.
So the pain in my knees and hip go away.
So I can fit on any airplane seat to visit my family.
So I can ride a bike.
So I can fit in the bathtub.
So I can take a shower without fear from falling.
So the sleep apnea I have will go away.
So I can bend and polish my own toenails.
So I can tie my own shoes.
So I can have more energy.
So I can take my dogs for a walk.
So I can see my grandchild grow up and get married one day.
So I can buy clothes in a regular clothes store and fit into a size 10.
To be able to take the stairs.
To add years to my life.
To be a better wife, mother, and friend.
To be able to feel confident in my own skin.
To not feel tired all the time.
To not have a heart attack or stroke or some other weight related disease.
To be able to walk on a treadmill or exercise on a recumbent bike.
To feel strong and beautiful.
These are just some of my personal goals that will continue to motivate me on this weight loss journey. I must remind myself often to not let the number on the scale be the only definition of success. I must continue to look at all the positive changes I have made and will continue to make to become the person I want to be.
Today the scale said 371.8 lbs. Today there was no weight loss change. But, let there be no doubt that I am changing. I am going to win. I will see my dreams come true. One day at a time.
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
Today is one of those days. When you know you have done everything right, but the scale does not indicate that. On days like today when I don’t get that positive feedback from the number going down on the scale it is important to define the “why” I want to lose weight.
I decided that today would be a good day to remind myself of the “why” I want and need to lose this weight.
So I can become physically and mentally healthy.
So I am able to walk without pain.
So the pain in my knees and hip go away.
So I can fit on any airplane seat to visit my family.
So I can ride a bike.
So I can fit in the bathtub.
So I can take a shower without fear from falling.
So the sleep apnea I have will go away.
So I can bend and polish my own toenails.
So I can tie my own shoes.
So I can have more energy.
So I can take my dogs for a walk.
So I can see my grandchild grow up and get married one day.
So I can buy clothes in a regular clothes store and fit into a size 10.
To be able to take the stairs.
To add years to my life.
To be a better wife, mother, and friend.
To be able to feel confident in my own skin.
To not feel tired all the time.
To not have a heart attack or stroke or some other weight related disease.
To be able to walk on a treadmill or exercise on a recumbent bike.
To feel strong and beautiful.
These are just some of my personal goals that will continue to motivate me on this weight loss journey. I must remind myself often to not let the number on the scale be the only definition of success. I must continue to look at all the positive changes I have made and will continue to make to become the person I want to be.
Today the scale said 371.8 lbs. Today there was no weight loss change. But, let there be no doubt that I am changing. I am going to win. I will see my dreams come true. One day at a time.
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
Monday, September 27, 2010
Day 55 Food Journaling
Part of my success this time with staying on track has been my food journal. Each and every day I write down my foods and the caloric value. It is so important to my success in losing weight because without it, I have no road map.
There are days that I hate that I must write down every little thing I put into my mouth. There are days when I want to eat more food than my left over calories permit. There are days that I just want to be “normal” around food. But I am not normal around food. I need to have the truth in black and white. I need a tool that that shows me that I have had enough food for today!
Keeping a food journal is my safety net. It keeps me from from believing the little lies my mind tells me. It keeps this weight loss journey real! There are some nights that I have only a few calories left and would like to say the heck with it, tomorrow I will eat less, make up for it. That is when the flashing red lights and sirens need to go off. Once I start to feed into that mentality I get into very slippery territory. If I give myself permission to just this once….well we all know what just this once, or I will get right back on track tomorrow line has typically given me. For me, the 1500 calorie boundery can’t be crossed. I must be strong and not lie to myself anymore. I must be iron clad with my decision to stay the course, no matter who, no matter what, no matter why, no MATTER WHO!!!
I felt like Julia Roberts there for a moment, you know the scene she has in Pretty Woman. LOL. Okay, maybe you don’t…Anyways….
I refuse to tell myself those little lies anymore. I refuse for even one moment to let my mind trick me into believing that just one extra anything that is not within my caloric budget is okay to sneak in. Nothing short of complete honesty surrounding my food choices and caloric count is going to to be tolerated.
It’s great when you have made a decision because there is no more bargaining your way out of what you know you MUST do. No more excuses, no more lies, no more looking the other way.
Until next time, be well.
Linda
There are days that I hate that I must write down every little thing I put into my mouth. There are days when I want to eat more food than my left over calories permit. There are days that I just want to be “normal” around food. But I am not normal around food. I need to have the truth in black and white. I need a tool that that shows me that I have had enough food for today!
Keeping a food journal is my safety net. It keeps me from from believing the little lies my mind tells me. It keeps this weight loss journey real! There are some nights that I have only a few calories left and would like to say the heck with it, tomorrow I will eat less, make up for it. That is when the flashing red lights and sirens need to go off. Once I start to feed into that mentality I get into very slippery territory. If I give myself permission to just this once….well we all know what just this once, or I will get right back on track tomorrow line has typically given me. For me, the 1500 calorie boundery can’t be crossed. I must be strong and not lie to myself anymore. I must be iron clad with my decision to stay the course, no matter who, no matter what, no matter why, no MATTER WHO!!!
I felt like Julia Roberts there for a moment, you know the scene she has in Pretty Woman. LOL. Okay, maybe you don’t…Anyways….
I refuse to tell myself those little lies anymore. I refuse for even one moment to let my mind trick me into believing that just one extra anything that is not within my caloric budget is okay to sneak in. Nothing short of complete honesty surrounding my food choices and caloric count is going to to be tolerated.
It’s great when you have made a decision because there is no more bargaining your way out of what you know you MUST do. No more excuses, no more lies, no more looking the other way.
Until next time, be well.
Linda
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Day 50 Oh Yeah!!!
Okay, so I have not been blogging as often as I would like, but the important thing is I am still on program! WHOOHOOO! I am so happy to be able to say that I have 50 days today. Gosh, I have not had this much time strung together in a long, long, long time.
I must say that I am excited because the more on program days I get behind me the closer I get to becoming the healthy person I want to be. I know I can do this because I decided to do this no matter what. I don’t care what day it is, this is how I need to eat for the rest of my life, no excuses. I must also say that for me, portion control is important. However, when I am choosing whole foods over processed garbage I also get fuller faster and stay full longer. It’s time to make a bit of change in WHAT I eat.
Let me explain. My loving husband is a type 2 insulin dependant diabetic. He struggles every day to keep his numbers normal the same way I struggle to lose weight. If he is to control his blood sugar levels it is going to be very important to keep a journal of his food, his blood glucose readings, and choose to eat from whole foods. In order for him to dose his insulin correctly he needs to know how many carbs he is about to eat and then figure out the ratio of insulin to carbs. For him it's a life and death choice too. He really needs to stay away from the carby type foods because when he eats of those foods his need for insulin goes up exponentially. Eating very low carb is the ONLY thing that really helps with having to take less insulin. I love my husband and want him to be around a long, long time. We both need to get healthy! So...our plan of action is to start eating more real foods and leave the other stuff alone. It is the highly processed foods that keep me begging for more and as for my husband he is not able to control his high sugar readings when he consumes them. It is time that we seriously adopt this lifestyle change. It's not only about how much we eat, it's about what we eat too.
Over the past 50 days I have been leaving about 300-400 calories each night available to have my sugar free fudge bars, my whole wheat pretzels, my south beach double chocolate bars. And while I have not suffered any ill affect as far as my weight loss goes, I do often suffer from a constant craving for more. With that being said, I have decided to lessen my processed food intake, and reduce my carb choices and replace them with foods like protein and fruit. Because even if I eat whatever I want, and make mostly healthy choices for my 1500 calories, the fact is, 300-400 calories a day that I am presently spending on these types of foods could potentionally cause me to loose control. Ice-cream, food replacement bars, pretzels, rice cakes with peanut butter. These are things I have allowed myself to eat in a portioned controlled manner but sometimes these choices really leave me wanting much more. There is a lot to be said by keeping things really simple. Now, that is not to say that I will never have a sugar free fudge bar or rice cakes with peanut butter again. But for me, I am learning that these choices have to be the exception, not the rule.
Well it’s weigh day! I am so very grateful that the scale gods were smiling down on me today. I can't say that I don't hold my breath everytime I step on that darn scale, even when I know I am doing all the right things LOL...
Today the scale says 371.8. That’s 4lbs down from last week, which is a total of 26.4lbs down.
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
I must say that I am excited because the more on program days I get behind me the closer I get to becoming the healthy person I want to be. I know I can do this because I decided to do this no matter what. I don’t care what day it is, this is how I need to eat for the rest of my life, no excuses. I must also say that for me, portion control is important. However, when I am choosing whole foods over processed garbage I also get fuller faster and stay full longer. It’s time to make a bit of change in WHAT I eat.
Let me explain. My loving husband is a type 2 insulin dependant diabetic. He struggles every day to keep his numbers normal the same way I struggle to lose weight. If he is to control his blood sugar levels it is going to be very important to keep a journal of his food, his blood glucose readings, and choose to eat from whole foods. In order for him to dose his insulin correctly he needs to know how many carbs he is about to eat and then figure out the ratio of insulin to carbs. For him it's a life and death choice too. He really needs to stay away from the carby type foods because when he eats of those foods his need for insulin goes up exponentially. Eating very low carb is the ONLY thing that really helps with having to take less insulin. I love my husband and want him to be around a long, long time. We both need to get healthy! So...our plan of action is to start eating more real foods and leave the other stuff alone. It is the highly processed foods that keep me begging for more and as for my husband he is not able to control his high sugar readings when he consumes them. It is time that we seriously adopt this lifestyle change. It's not only about how much we eat, it's about what we eat too.
Over the past 50 days I have been leaving about 300-400 calories each night available to have my sugar free fudge bars, my whole wheat pretzels, my south beach double chocolate bars. And while I have not suffered any ill affect as far as my weight loss goes, I do often suffer from a constant craving for more. With that being said, I have decided to lessen my processed food intake, and reduce my carb choices and replace them with foods like protein and fruit. Because even if I eat whatever I want, and make mostly healthy choices for my 1500 calories, the fact is, 300-400 calories a day that I am presently spending on these types of foods could potentionally cause me to loose control. Ice-cream, food replacement bars, pretzels, rice cakes with peanut butter. These are things I have allowed myself to eat in a portioned controlled manner but sometimes these choices really leave me wanting much more. There is a lot to be said by keeping things really simple. Now, that is not to say that I will never have a sugar free fudge bar or rice cakes with peanut butter again. But for me, I am learning that these choices have to be the exception, not the rule.
Well it’s weigh day! I am so very grateful that the scale gods were smiling down on me today. I can't say that I don't hold my breath everytime I step on that darn scale, even when I know I am doing all the right things LOL...
Today the scale says 371.8. That’s 4lbs down from last week, which is a total of 26.4lbs down.
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Day 43 Getting Stronger Everyday
I can’t believe that it’s been over a month since I started this weight loss journey. Mind you I have started many similar weight loss journeys
thousands of times before. With each new diet there was so much hope. But that hope would soon fade to feelings of hopelessness in short order. So many failed attempts left me feeling like such a failure. Feelings of dispair, fustration, disapointment, anger, worthlessness, fear, and self hate. I hated myself everytime I chose the food over what was good for me. Fearful that I would never be able to conquer my compulsive overeating. This weight loss journey was and still is one of the hardest things that I will ever do in my life. But in spite of always falling short, soooo many failed attempts, I am still willing and thank God able to work my program to get my life back. The choice is mine. Do I want quality of life or an early death.
Every day my commitment to losing this weight and changing my life is tested. Some days the food thoughts are so relentless that I think I will lose my mind if I don’t act on them. But I have learned that I can walk through those hard times and come out on the other side stronger and more confident. The more I don’t give in to those foods, the stronger I get. I am really beginning to understand that these feelings that I feel when the food calls to me are not facts. In fact, they are just…FEELINGS. If I continue to be honest around my food, I KNOW I can become the person that I want to be and I will walk without the aid of a cane or wheelchair and live a life free of the chains of obesity.
Everyday that I say no to the foods that take me out I say yes to a my new life. My life depends on my good choices. I asked God on a daily basis to give me the strength to embrace this new way of eating. Thank you God, I am GRATEFUL~
Today the scale says 375.8. That’s 2.4 lbs down from last week, which is a total of 22.4lbs down.
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
thousands of times before. With each new diet there was so much hope. But that hope would soon fade to feelings of hopelessness in short order. So many failed attempts left me feeling like such a failure. Feelings of dispair, fustration, disapointment, anger, worthlessness, fear, and self hate. I hated myself everytime I chose the food over what was good for me. Fearful that I would never be able to conquer my compulsive overeating. This weight loss journey was and still is one of the hardest things that I will ever do in my life. But in spite of always falling short, soooo many failed attempts, I am still willing and thank God able to work my program to get my life back. The choice is mine. Do I want quality of life or an early death.
Every day my commitment to losing this weight and changing my life is tested. Some days the food thoughts are so relentless that I think I will lose my mind if I don’t act on them. But I have learned that I can walk through those hard times and come out on the other side stronger and more confident. The more I don’t give in to those foods, the stronger I get. I am really beginning to understand that these feelings that I feel when the food calls to me are not facts. In fact, they are just…FEELINGS. If I continue to be honest around my food, I KNOW I can become the person that I want to be and I will walk without the aid of a cane or wheelchair and live a life free of the chains of obesity.
Everyday that I say no to the foods that take me out I say yes to a my new life. My life depends on my good choices. I asked God on a daily basis to give me the strength to embrace this new way of eating. Thank you God, I am GRATEFUL~
Today the scale says 375.8. That’s 2.4 lbs down from last week, which is a total of 22.4lbs down.
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Day 36 Slow But Steady
Well the holiday weekend is over and I made it through without a gain. However, I am a bit disappointed in my weight loss this week. But I do know that I am relieved that I did not gain. I think I know why the scale told a different story this week. I actually added more carbs to my food plan, i.e. beans, rice, and potatoes to the mix. My body tends to hold a lot more water when I eat from these foods. If I tend to stay lean and grean, the weight comes off a lot easier. However, I am in this for life, so there will be days or times that I CHOOSE to eat from these food groups and the scale will not be as kind.
I think it’s funny how just last week I said I could not count on feeling any weight loss, but this week, I felt the weight loss! I was sure the scale was going to show me a big number, but alas, I was wrong. But I am not going to allow this disappointment to keep me down one more moment because I did eat on plan! I did count my calories and I did not cheat! I could have made better choices perhaps, but all my choices were within my food plan. That’s because nothing is off limits on my food plan, just better choices. It really makes it so much easier to stick to a program where you can eat from all food groups. Because for me, the minute I get into the diet mentality the cheating begins. There is no cheating on my food plan because there is nothing that I can’t have if I plan for it. That’s the beauty of not dieting anymore. I think there is a big difference in being accountable for what you put into your mouth versus eliminating specific foods from your diet.
There is no on again off again with my food plan. I can’t tell you how liberating this is! Now, this is not to say that I eat from all foods just because I can. I look at my calories like spendable cash. There are some days that my spendable cash/calories are spent at Walmart and other days it’s spent at Coach. LOL.
It just depends on my food choices. So a day with all lean and green chioices with fruit would be a Coach day. On another day, I might choose some fast food choices and more processed type food/snacks that are definitley of the Walmart variety. However, both allow me to be successful. As long as I am being accoutable. Being accountable for me means I write my food down, I keep track of my calories. I try to use commom sense with my choices. I try to eat just one or two carb choices a day. I try to use the knowledge that I have acquired all these years jumping from one diet to another and make all that information work for me. No one knows me better than me. My actions with food must be mindful, deliberate. I can’t afford to be anything less than diligent. Too much is at stake. I will make an effort this week to put more unprocessed foods into my body. If I expect to get the results I want, then I need to keep this real. I need work on choosing better quality foods to put into my body. I know my body will thank me for it!
Today the scale said 378.2 Just a tiny.6lb loss. However, I have lost 20lbs in the last month!
Until next time, be well.
Linda
I think it’s funny how just last week I said I could not count on feeling any weight loss, but this week, I felt the weight loss! I was sure the scale was going to show me a big number, but alas, I was wrong. But I am not going to allow this disappointment to keep me down one more moment because I did eat on plan! I did count my calories and I did not cheat! I could have made better choices perhaps, but all my choices were within my food plan. That’s because nothing is off limits on my food plan, just better choices. It really makes it so much easier to stick to a program where you can eat from all food groups. Because for me, the minute I get into the diet mentality the cheating begins. There is no cheating on my food plan because there is nothing that I can’t have if I plan for it. That’s the beauty of not dieting anymore. I think there is a big difference in being accountable for what you put into your mouth versus eliminating specific foods from your diet.
There is no on again off again with my food plan. I can’t tell you how liberating this is! Now, this is not to say that I eat from all foods just because I can. I look at my calories like spendable cash. There are some days that my spendable cash/calories are spent at Walmart and other days it’s spent at Coach. LOL.
It just depends on my food choices. So a day with all lean and green chioices with fruit would be a Coach day. On another day, I might choose some fast food choices and more processed type food/snacks that are definitley of the Walmart variety. However, both allow me to be successful. As long as I am being accoutable. Being accountable for me means I write my food down, I keep track of my calories. I try to use commom sense with my choices. I try to eat just one or two carb choices a day. I try to use the knowledge that I have acquired all these years jumping from one diet to another and make all that information work for me. No one knows me better than me. My actions with food must be mindful, deliberate. I can’t afford to be anything less than diligent. Too much is at stake. I will make an effort this week to put more unprocessed foods into my body. If I expect to get the results I want, then I need to keep this real. I need work on choosing better quality foods to put into my body. I know my body will thank me for it!
Today the scale said 378.2 Just a tiny.6lb loss. However, I have lost 20lbs in the last month!
Until next time, be well.
Linda
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Day 28 New Digits
Today is weigh day. I can’t lie, it is with much anticipation that I get on the scale hoping, praying that the number reflects my good choices. In fact, the day before weigh day I will dwell on whether or not what I have been eating, not eating, doing is enough to see a loss. Did skipping the pizza at my grandchild’s birthday party make a difference? Did all the little decisions I made along the way to eat on program pay off? At my weight, it is sometimes hard to feel the weight loss. So I can’t go by how I feel as much as what does the scale say these days. Eventually, this will change….but for now, it’s all about the numbers on the scale.
One month of choosing life before my favorite foods. YES!! Don’t get me wrong, I have been here before, only to fall face down into all the old foods and behaviors that got me into this mess to begin with. Off and running I go. I want this time to be different. I have too much at stake to think I can afford to binge on my favorite foods. Some days the mind games are ruthless. I hear things like, just one won’t hurt, or you deserve to eat xyz. You have been so good. I have to constantly fight those urges and call on the truth of the matter. The truth is, if I keep doing what I have always done, I will continue to get, what I always got. A life full of physical struggle, emotional pain, humiliation, and despair. A life half lived. No more!
I refuse to let food dictate my life anymore. I am not so naive to believe it will be easy, but I KNOW it will be worth it! At my weight, there are so many limitations to what I can do. Add to this, the fact that I need a hip replacement and can’t really walk which really limits my exercise. Living with severe chronic pain really plays a role in what I can physically do right now. I know if I just keep doing what I am doing with my food choices, one day at a time, it will all fall into place. Things will get better. Soon enough, I will be able to have less pain and that will motivate me to start moving more. I should be going at least to the swimming pool to move my body in the water. But I am in so much pain just trying to get to the pool, I get discouraged. Just trying to get dressed to get to the pool and then undressed upon coming out of the pool is exhausting right now. I know all this will change as long as I continue to eat on program.
The plan going forward is to eat within my 1500 calorie range. No special foods, no diet pills, no magic bullets. Did you know that there are no magic solutions?
The solution for me is to stay within my calorie budget make good choices in my food selections. I plan to see this all the way to the end this time. There is no turning back, I don’t have the luxury of time anymore.
Today the scale says 378.8 I have lost 19.4 lbs in the last 28 days/month.
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
One month of choosing life before my favorite foods. YES!! Don’t get me wrong, I have been here before, only to fall face down into all the old foods and behaviors that got me into this mess to begin with. Off and running I go. I want this time to be different. I have too much at stake to think I can afford to binge on my favorite foods. Some days the mind games are ruthless. I hear things like, just one won’t hurt, or you deserve to eat xyz. You have been so good. I have to constantly fight those urges and call on the truth of the matter. The truth is, if I keep doing what I have always done, I will continue to get, what I always got. A life full of physical struggle, emotional pain, humiliation, and despair. A life half lived. No more!
I refuse to let food dictate my life anymore. I am not so naive to believe it will be easy, but I KNOW it will be worth it! At my weight, there are so many limitations to what I can do. Add to this, the fact that I need a hip replacement and can’t really walk which really limits my exercise. Living with severe chronic pain really plays a role in what I can physically do right now. I know if I just keep doing what I am doing with my food choices, one day at a time, it will all fall into place. Things will get better. Soon enough, I will be able to have less pain and that will motivate me to start moving more. I should be going at least to the swimming pool to move my body in the water. But I am in so much pain just trying to get to the pool, I get discouraged. Just trying to get dressed to get to the pool and then undressed upon coming out of the pool is exhausting right now. I know all this will change as long as I continue to eat on program.
The plan going forward is to eat within my 1500 calorie range. No special foods, no diet pills, no magic bullets. Did you know that there are no magic solutions?
The solution for me is to stay within my calorie budget make good choices in my food selections. I plan to see this all the way to the end this time. There is no turning back, I don’t have the luxury of time anymore.
Today the scale says 378.8 I have lost 19.4 lbs in the last 28 days/month.
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Day 22 Late Night Food Struggles
The last few weeks have been really good. I am happy to say that I have been on program 100%. Tracking my food is really helpful. I am able to see that I have indeed eaten and when I am done, I am done. But, not so fast. Just because my food journal says I should be done eating does not mean my mind agrees.
As a food addict, I seem to struggle the most at night. I have always been the type of person who can and would often go all day without food. But once I ate a meal, it was a BIG meal. Sometimes, I would eat 1500 or 2000 or more calories in just one sitting. Let’s keep it real, it’s not that hard to do. A Big Mac, Large Fries, a Chocolate Milkshake and your calories are over the top. You are in like Flynn. Thousands of calories in one sitting. Oh yeah, and let’s not forget the additional late night snacking. The day would not feel complete without those extra goodies.
The hard part is that I still struggle so much at night. My meals never feel like they are enough and leave me wanting for more. I think the switch that tells most people that they have had enough is broken in me. Even after 3 weeks of eating nutritious meals I always want more. Even after a very generously portioned meal I want more. Typically, it’s a craving for some dessert type food. I wonder if I will always be this way? I wonder why I am wired this way?
In the end it does not matter. The feelings of wanting to compulsively eat might never go away, but I must do what I need to do to get this weight off me. Choosing to eat on program is choosing life instead of an early death. I just can’t believe that I still struggle so much day in and day out with food.
Some people say that they are emotitonal eaters. I personally don’t have any one reason why I eat. I think I eat because I like to eat. That’s it. I like the way food tastes and the way I feel when I am eating it. But those feelings are very short lived. Perhaps that is why I need to keep stuffing my face with food to continue to have those good feelings. I need to find a way to get those good feelings from some other place other than the food.
Today was weigh day. The scale says: 382.4 I am down 1.4 lbs from last week. In the last 3 weeks I have lost 15.8lbs. I will take it!
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
As a food addict, I seem to struggle the most at night. I have always been the type of person who can and would often go all day without food. But once I ate a meal, it was a BIG meal. Sometimes, I would eat 1500 or 2000 or more calories in just one sitting. Let’s keep it real, it’s not that hard to do. A Big Mac, Large Fries, a Chocolate Milkshake and your calories are over the top. You are in like Flynn. Thousands of calories in one sitting. Oh yeah, and let’s not forget the additional late night snacking. The day would not feel complete without those extra goodies.
The hard part is that I still struggle so much at night. My meals never feel like they are enough and leave me wanting for more. I think the switch that tells most people that they have had enough is broken in me. Even after 3 weeks of eating nutritious meals I always want more. Even after a very generously portioned meal I want more. Typically, it’s a craving for some dessert type food. I wonder if I will always be this way? I wonder why I am wired this way?
In the end it does not matter. The feelings of wanting to compulsively eat might never go away, but I must do what I need to do to get this weight off me. Choosing to eat on program is choosing life instead of an early death. I just can’t believe that I still struggle so much day in and day out with food.
Some people say that they are emotitonal eaters. I personally don’t have any one reason why I eat. I think I eat because I like to eat. That’s it. I like the way food tastes and the way I feel when I am eating it. But those feelings are very short lived. Perhaps that is why I need to keep stuffing my face with food to continue to have those good feelings. I need to find a way to get those good feelings from some other place other than the food.
Today was weigh day. The scale says: 382.4 I am down 1.4 lbs from last week. In the last 3 weeks I have lost 15.8lbs. I will take it!
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
Friday, August 20, 2010
Today is Day 17
All my life I have been overweight. I have tried so many diets out there with various degrees of success. The success was of course contingent on how well I complied with the rules. When I stopped following the rules of engagement, the weight came back fast and furious.
Today, I am making healthier food choices. I am following the rules like my life depends on it. Because quite frankly, my life does depend on it! The only way I am ever going to be relieved of this hip pain & knee pain is to lose this weight so I can have a hip replacement. The only way I will ever be able to walk and not rely on a electric scooter or wheelchair is if I become a normal weight. I must be strict with myself concerning the rules of my program. There can be no more excuses. There is no more room for putting off what needs to be done today. No more starting my diet on a Monday only to be off my food plan by the weekend. I don’t have that luxury anymore. After forty-two years of this self destructive behavior the ONLY option left for me is DOING! It feels good to be making myself a top priority. My food addiction has taken me to places that I wish to never see again. There is no food that is worth the amount of life that I have missed out on. There is no food worth the physical, emotional, or mental hell I have endured all these years do to my poor food choices. I am not willing to look the other way any longer. I know that it is now or never for me and I MUST be accountable.
I really don’t care why I eat badly. It does not matter. What matters is that I am done with destroying my life with food. Food is meant to be enjoyed. The food is not bad, I have been bad with the food. I have taken something that is suppose to nourish me and I abused it. No more. There is nothing that tastes as good the as the thought of being able to walk freely unaided and not in pain. There is nothing that tastes better than the thought of being the best grandparent to my darling grandchild. There is absolutely no food out there worth dying young for and leaving behind those that I love and that love me before my time. I want to get my sexy back. I have lost it and aim to find it again. I want my husband to have his wife back, the way we used to be. It’s hard to believe that it has taken me so long to get arrive at this place. But arrive I have. I am changing and I am ready to get this party started!
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
Today, I am making healthier food choices. I am following the rules like my life depends on it. Because quite frankly, my life does depend on it! The only way I am ever going to be relieved of this hip pain & knee pain is to lose this weight so I can have a hip replacement. The only way I will ever be able to walk and not rely on a electric scooter or wheelchair is if I become a normal weight. I must be strict with myself concerning the rules of my program. There can be no more excuses. There is no more room for putting off what needs to be done today. No more starting my diet on a Monday only to be off my food plan by the weekend. I don’t have that luxury anymore. After forty-two years of this self destructive behavior the ONLY option left for me is DOING! It feels good to be making myself a top priority. My food addiction has taken me to places that I wish to never see again. There is no food that is worth the amount of life that I have missed out on. There is no food worth the physical, emotional, or mental hell I have endured all these years do to my poor food choices. I am not willing to look the other way any longer. I know that it is now or never for me and I MUST be accountable.
I really don’t care why I eat badly. It does not matter. What matters is that I am done with destroying my life with food. Food is meant to be enjoyed. The food is not bad, I have been bad with the food. I have taken something that is suppose to nourish me and I abused it. No more. There is nothing that tastes as good the as the thought of being able to walk freely unaided and not in pain. There is nothing that tastes better than the thought of being the best grandparent to my darling grandchild. There is absolutely no food out there worth dying young for and leaving behind those that I love and that love me before my time. I want to get my sexy back. I have lost it and aim to find it again. I want my husband to have his wife back, the way we used to be. It’s hard to believe that it has taken me so long to get arrive at this place. But arrive I have. I am changing and I am ready to get this party started!
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Persistence + Time = Success Day 15
I am such an impatient person. I want immediate gratification. It’s funny how my mind works. It’s as if I just want this weight to magically fall off my body. Silly huh? But secretly, it’s what I really expect...as unrealistic as it is lol.
For example, when I weigh in and I don’t get the weight loss I think I deserve, this is what goes through my head. Geez, I turned down so much good food this week and I only lost a ½ lb?!?!?! Well that doesn’t seem fair! Not when I could have eaten anything I craved and even binged and probably would have stayed the same weight!! Crazy thinking huh?
Some days I just feel so deprived when I can’t eat what I want to eat, when I want to eat it! I also think it’s so sad that food plays such an important role in my life. I do not have a normal relationship with food. I doubt I ever will. Some days are a breeze, while other days I have to fight off the desire to eat and eat. I don't want to be the fat girl for the rest of my life. I don’t know why I have these days where everything just seems to be such a struggle. It is like my mind is my worst enemy. It’s like I am two people. There is the Linda that knows what to do and how to do it, she knows what needs to be done and is so determined to get it done. No excuses. Then there is this other Linda, that has all these excuses as to why it’s so hard and how it's not fair and wants to stomp her feet and cry about the injustice. Just like a spoiled child. It’s just crazy!! Some days I just don’t want to do the work it’s going to take to realize my goals.
All I know is that I have been fat all my life and I don’t want to be fat anymore. I also know that if I am going to lose this weight, I can’t listen to the Linda who has all the reasons why this is too hard. While it’s true that there are some days that are more difficult than others, eating healthy is not hard. What is hard is not giving into the cravings and the desires of my mind. Most of the battle is mental. I have always known that the problem is not only about the food I eat, but my mental state of mind as well. I am here to tell you that in order to stay in the game, I need to keep my head in the game. Some days it’s all I can do to just keep myself from grabbing a jar of peanut butter and plunge in face first. But I can tell you that the feeling I get when I wake up the next day after not submitting to the food is so empowering. And that my friends is what I am talking about. Empowerment! I love that feeling, and wish I could bottle it. I just need to remember that each day that I eat on plan the closer I get to becoming the healthy woman I desire to be.
I want to be successful. The last two weeks have shown me that if I am persistent in making healthy choices with the food, along with the passage of time, it will equal weight loss. I just have to remember to be patient with myself. It’s going to take time. I need to focus on each day as it comes. Each and every day that I choose to eat healthy is one day closer to the day to my new life.
The scale says 383.8 That down 3.8 lbs from last week for a total of 15 lbs down in the last two weeks!
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
For example, when I weigh in and I don’t get the weight loss I think I deserve, this is what goes through my head. Geez, I turned down so much good food this week and I only lost a ½ lb?!?!?! Well that doesn’t seem fair! Not when I could have eaten anything I craved and even binged and probably would have stayed the same weight!! Crazy thinking huh?
Some days I just feel so deprived when I can’t eat what I want to eat, when I want to eat it! I also think it’s so sad that food plays such an important role in my life. I do not have a normal relationship with food. I doubt I ever will. Some days are a breeze, while other days I have to fight off the desire to eat and eat. I don't want to be the fat girl for the rest of my life. I don’t know why I have these days where everything just seems to be such a struggle. It is like my mind is my worst enemy. It’s like I am two people. There is the Linda that knows what to do and how to do it, she knows what needs to be done and is so determined to get it done. No excuses. Then there is this other Linda, that has all these excuses as to why it’s so hard and how it's not fair and wants to stomp her feet and cry about the injustice. Just like a spoiled child. It’s just crazy!! Some days I just don’t want to do the work it’s going to take to realize my goals.
All I know is that I have been fat all my life and I don’t want to be fat anymore. I also know that if I am going to lose this weight, I can’t listen to the Linda who has all the reasons why this is too hard. While it’s true that there are some days that are more difficult than others, eating healthy is not hard. What is hard is not giving into the cravings and the desires of my mind. Most of the battle is mental. I have always known that the problem is not only about the food I eat, but my mental state of mind as well. I am here to tell you that in order to stay in the game, I need to keep my head in the game. Some days it’s all I can do to just keep myself from grabbing a jar of peanut butter and plunge in face first. But I can tell you that the feeling I get when I wake up the next day after not submitting to the food is so empowering. And that my friends is what I am talking about. Empowerment! I love that feeling, and wish I could bottle it. I just need to remember that each day that I eat on plan the closer I get to becoming the healthy woman I desire to be.
I want to be successful. The last two weeks have shown me that if I am persistent in making healthy choices with the food, along with the passage of time, it will equal weight loss. I just have to remember to be patient with myself. It’s going to take time. I need to focus on each day as it comes. Each and every day that I choose to eat healthy is one day closer to the day to my new life.
The scale says 383.8 That down 3.8 lbs from last week for a total of 15 lbs down in the last two weeks!
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Thoughts for Day 9
My intention is to journal everyday, but you know how some days we get really busy or just plain lazy. Well anyway...it’s all good. Weigh day was yesterday, and the scale was kind to me. I am happy to report a weight loss. It’s funny how the scale has so much power over me, but it does. When the scale accurately measures my efforts it makes me feel so happy.
But what about those weeks that I will surely have along the way when I did everything right, but the number on the scale stays the same?. Or maybe worse, the scale shows a gain! Yuck! I am going to have learn to not give the scale so much power over me. This is one of the primary reasons I am keeping a food journal. The scale does not show all the times that I turned down that thick crust sausage and pepperoni pizza or the icecream that came free with our meal.. It does not show how I did not order that huge tub of popcorn at the movie theatre, and chose to enjoy the movie and the company I was with instead. Nope, the real truth lies in my food journal. Writing down what goes into my mouth is such an important tool for me because my eyes are broken. I have what’s called “portion distortion.” When I weigh and measure my meals there is no doubt that I am on plan. I know I am on plan because I can see it in black and white. The mental gymnastics of did I eat to much or can I have more is plain to see. For me, weighing and measuring equals serenity. I call it my quality and quantity assurance. LOL.
But truth be told, the food monster is always there. Always. Some days the food monsters voice is relentless it takes everything I have to just make it through the day on plan. But there are days that food monsters voice is barely a whisper, and for those days I am so grateful. All I know is the food monster wants me dead. That’s right. Dead. But, everyday that I fight for my life, make healthier choices, he will loosen his grip on me. I refuse to let the food monster take me out. I will take him out. One healthy choice at a time!
The scale says: 387.6 Whooo 10.6 lbs down!
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
But what about those weeks that I will surely have along the way when I did everything right, but the number on the scale stays the same?. Or maybe worse, the scale shows a gain! Yuck! I am going to have learn to not give the scale so much power over me. This is one of the primary reasons I am keeping a food journal. The scale does not show all the times that I turned down that thick crust sausage and pepperoni pizza or the icecream that came free with our meal.. It does not show how I did not order that huge tub of popcorn at the movie theatre, and chose to enjoy the movie and the company I was with instead. Nope, the real truth lies in my food journal. Writing down what goes into my mouth is such an important tool for me because my eyes are broken. I have what’s called “portion distortion.” When I weigh and measure my meals there is no doubt that I am on plan. I know I am on plan because I can see it in black and white. The mental gymnastics of did I eat to much or can I have more is plain to see. For me, weighing and measuring equals serenity. I call it my quality and quantity assurance. LOL.
But truth be told, the food monster is always there. Always. Some days the food monsters voice is relentless it takes everything I have to just make it through the day on plan. But there are days that food monsters voice is barely a whisper, and for those days I am so grateful. All I know is the food monster wants me dead. That’s right. Dead. But, everyday that I fight for my life, make healthier choices, he will loosen his grip on me. I refuse to let the food monster take me out. I will take him out. One healthy choice at a time!
The scale says: 387.6 Whooo 10.6 lbs down!
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
Monday, August 9, 2010
Weekends Day 4 & 5
Saturday & Sunday are the days that I struggle the most. For some reason my mentality changes on the weekend. My thinking becomes corrupt. There is a mental switch that seems to get flipped that is nothing but trouble. All my life I have used food as my recreation. The more I ate, the bigger I became, the smaller my life became. To make up for the smaller life, the food became my everything. Food became my best friend and my worst enemy all at the same time. No matter how upset or unhappy I was with my life, food seemed to make it better...at least for a little while. But the price has far exceeded what I am willing to pay anymore. What price you might ask? Here is a small list off the top of my head.
1 Can't walk more than 25ft without extreme pain
2 Can't get a hip replacement due to my size
3 Must use a wheelchair or a electric scooter because I can't walk
4 Can't fit in an airplane seat
5 Can't get on the floor with my grandchild
6 Stop breathing during my sleep due to sleep apnea
7 Breathless with very little exertion
8 Afraid to fall in the shower because my balance is so bad
9 Mentally exhausted
10 Can only do minimal and I mean minimal housework or cooking
11.If I fall, I can't pick myself up
12 Body Rashes
13 Personal hygiene is difficult
14 Getting out of be is exhausting
15 Can't travel
16 I am barely holding down my job
17 Constant worry about dying young
18 Unable to participate in life like I would like due to pain and being overweight
19 Uncomfortable in my own skin
20 Physically exhausted all the time!
These are just a few of the things that I live with because food is not in its place. These are things that can be corrected if I stop making food the priority, my best friend. Writing down my food, eating on program, this all makes me feel so much better than any binge ever did. The price of eating whatever I want, whenever I want, in what portions I want, is monumental. Yo Yo dieting is what got me here. The only person who can do this for me is me. There is another meal coming. I am worth the time and effort it takes and it’s going to take sometime to get healthy again. A lifetime of abusing food, using it medicate is not going to be arrested overnight. And while my life may be unmanageable right now, I am NOT powerless over food. I HOLD THE KEY! I HAVE THE POWER! IT IS WITHIN ME! I DO HAVE THE POWER TO GET MY LIFE BACK! It won't happen overnight, but it will happen. If I continue to put my food program before anyone or anything it will happen.
Until next time, be well.
Linda
1 Can't walk more than 25ft without extreme pain
2 Can't get a hip replacement due to my size
3 Must use a wheelchair or a electric scooter because I can't walk
4 Can't fit in an airplane seat
5 Can't get on the floor with my grandchild
6 Stop breathing during my sleep due to sleep apnea
7 Breathless with very little exertion
8 Afraid to fall in the shower because my balance is so bad
9 Mentally exhausted
10 Can only do minimal and I mean minimal housework or cooking
11.If I fall, I can't pick myself up
12 Body Rashes
13 Personal hygiene is difficult
14 Getting out of be is exhausting
15 Can't travel
16 I am barely holding down my job
17 Constant worry about dying young
18 Unable to participate in life like I would like due to pain and being overweight
19 Uncomfortable in my own skin
20 Physically exhausted all the time!
These are just a few of the things that I live with because food is not in its place. These are things that can be corrected if I stop making food the priority, my best friend. Writing down my food, eating on program, this all makes me feel so much better than any binge ever did. The price of eating whatever I want, whenever I want, in what portions I want, is monumental. Yo Yo dieting is what got me here. The only person who can do this for me is me. There is another meal coming. I am worth the time and effort it takes and it’s going to take sometime to get healthy again. A lifetime of abusing food, using it medicate is not going to be arrested overnight. And while my life may be unmanageable right now, I am NOT powerless over food. I HOLD THE KEY! I HAVE THE POWER! IT IS WITHIN ME! I DO HAVE THE POWER TO GET MY LIFE BACK! It won't happen overnight, but it will happen. If I continue to put my food program before anyone or anything it will happen.
Until next time, be well.
Linda
Friday, August 6, 2010
Day 3
How many days will it take to make it to goal? I don't know and it does not matter! What matters is what I am willing to do and continue to do each and every day to get there. I brought myself to this mess, and I can get myself out of it. No more lies to myself. I must be strict with myself. No more just this one time or I deserve this whatever the food might be since I have been so good on program. No more starting over on Mondays. No more looking away at the truth. No more good food bad food. No more on program off program. I deserve to be free of this fat prison I have lived in for the last 42+ yrs of my life! I am worthy of the gift of health. I aim to get mine back.
I know that feeling healthy and looking good is going to be so worth it. I can hardly wait for the day to come when I can walk free from pain. To donate my wheelchair and scooter to someone else in need. That my friends will be best day ever! Oh yeah, and shopping for some skinny jeans would be cool too LOL.
Until the next time, be well.
Linda~
I know that feeling healthy and looking good is going to be so worth it. I can hardly wait for the day to come when I can walk free from pain. To donate my wheelchair and scooter to someone else in need. That my friends will be best day ever! Oh yeah, and shopping for some skinny jeans would be cool too LOL.
Until the next time, be well.
Linda~
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Day 2
Today was a great day. Food is in it's proper place. When I am in control of what I put in my mouth, all is right with the world. It's so empowering to not be face down in the food. I wish I could bottle the feelings I have when I am being honest around the food. Thank you God I am grateful.
Linda~
Linda~
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Day one on Medifast
Scale says : 398.2
I have been here before. Excited, ready to go. Ready to start my “new” way of life. Today is the beginning of a new day where I have a clean slate, to begin my journey anew. Prior to winning the Medifast contest I was going start following a calorie counting program. Just normal foods, nothing special, just 1500 calories a day tracked in a food journal. My plan went out the window in anticipation of starting this program and I managed to gain more weight before starting the Medifast program today. It’s what I do best. Binge before the diet. Eat everything I want to eat to get it out of my system before the diet begins. Ugh. The scale does not lie. It says 398.2.
But I still have hope. Because as long as I am still alive, I will never stop trying. Today is day one of my Medifast program. I have committed to giving this program 110% of myself over the next 30 days. Once I am done with the 30 days, I will move on to a calorie based program of 1500 calories a day. I am using this program to jumpstart my weight loss journey. I am looking at the Medifast program as a tool, a resource if you will to help me get from point A to point B.
This morning as I ate my very first Medifast Meal of Maple & Brown Sugar Oatmeal *I was shocked at how much I disliked the flavor. It was a bit bitter and gritty. The strange thing was that I was a bit grateful that it wasn’t yummy. It was just food. Something to nourish my body, but not entice my taste buds. I plan to eat 5 Medifast meals a day with one Lean and Green Meal for dinner each night.
There is no magic bullet. I must be willing to do the hard work it’s going to take to get honest around food. There is no easy fix. If there was one, I would have found it by now. But the one thing I do know is that I must eat to live and stop living to eat. I need to be able to eat in a way that is realistic and doable, sustainable. If I take drastic measures with the kinds of foods I eat then sooner or later I will not be able to sustain that way of eating and binge. I need to find a solution that fits my life. Something I can do each and every day for the rest of my life. I just need to remember that I have another meal coming. Food does control me, I control it. Food does not fix anything. It can’t make anything better. The only power it has is the power I give it. It is time to stop making excuses. I want to succeed. I wonder what I am so afraid of that I keep hurting myself with food?
I have been here before. Excited, ready to go. Ready to start my “new” way of life. Today is the beginning of a new day where I have a clean slate, to begin my journey anew. Prior to winning the Medifast contest I was going start following a calorie counting program. Just normal foods, nothing special, just 1500 calories a day tracked in a food journal. My plan went out the window in anticipation of starting this program and I managed to gain more weight before starting the Medifast program today. It’s what I do best. Binge before the diet. Eat everything I want to eat to get it out of my system before the diet begins. Ugh. The scale does not lie. It says 398.2.
But I still have hope. Because as long as I am still alive, I will never stop trying. Today is day one of my Medifast program. I have committed to giving this program 110% of myself over the next 30 days. Once I am done with the 30 days, I will move on to a calorie based program of 1500 calories a day. I am using this program to jumpstart my weight loss journey. I am looking at the Medifast program as a tool, a resource if you will to help me get from point A to point B.
This morning as I ate my very first Medifast Meal of Maple & Brown Sugar Oatmeal *I was shocked at how much I disliked the flavor. It was a bit bitter and gritty. The strange thing was that I was a bit grateful that it wasn’t yummy. It was just food. Something to nourish my body, but not entice my taste buds. I plan to eat 5 Medifast meals a day with one Lean and Green Meal for dinner each night.
There is no magic bullet. I must be willing to do the hard work it’s going to take to get honest around food. There is no easy fix. If there was one, I would have found it by now. But the one thing I do know is that I must eat to live and stop living to eat. I need to be able to eat in a way that is realistic and doable, sustainable. If I take drastic measures with the kinds of foods I eat then sooner or later I will not be able to sustain that way of eating and binge. I need to find a solution that fits my life. Something I can do each and every day for the rest of my life. I just need to remember that I have another meal coming. Food does control me, I control it. Food does not fix anything. It can’t make anything better. The only power it has is the power I give it. It is time to stop making excuses. I want to succeed. I wonder what I am so afraid of that I keep hurting myself with food?
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
I don’t have to be perfect to make progress
I was thinking about it this morning. How I allowed "perfection" to keep me a prisoner for so long. Perfection! There is no such things as perfect. But it’s something that has been the demise of so many weight loss attempts for me. How many times have I started a weight loss plan only to fall short of sticking to the plan "perfectly" and then allow that to be the reason to throw the whole program out the window. Why do I do this??? Life is full of choices, some good and some bad. It is foolish of me to think that I can go all my life and never make a bad food choice, yet it is exactly what I do. I need to embrace the fact that I am perfectly imperfect, and that is okay. I can be less than perfect and I can still become a healthy person even if I don’t always choose the most healthy choice. I can make a mistake and not throw it all away. Aiming for perfection is okay, but falling short can no longer be used as an excuse to abandon my weight loss program. It makes no sense to undo all the hard work for one bad choice or bad food day. I really need to embrace the mantra of Progress Not Perfection.
Today I may strive for perfection, but if I fall short, it’s okay. Another meal is coming where I get a chance to do better. Progress, NOT Perfection is something I have been saying for years. But it’s time I stop giving lip service and put those words into action.
Until next time, be well.
Linda
Today I may strive for perfection, but if I fall short, it’s okay. Another meal is coming where I get a chance to do better. Progress, NOT Perfection is something I have been saying for years. But it’s time I stop giving lip service and put those words into action.
Until next time, be well.
Linda
Thursday, July 22, 2010
I won a Medifast Giveaway!
Wow! I can't believe it's been so long since I have updated my journal. Oh well, today is a new day and I have some very exciting news. I was one of the lucky winners to receive a Free Month of Medifast that was so graciously hosted by Lyn who has a fabulous blog named Escape from Obesity. You can read all about it here:
http://escapefromobesity.blogspot.com/2010/07/month-of-medifast-who-won.html
I was really wanting to try Medifast before this giveaway happened, but finances have been very tight and I was really concerned about putting that much money out and finding that program might not be a good fit for me. So many deserving folks had already entered the giveway by the time I decided to leave a comment that I almost didn't even try. I decided that I was going to leave a comment anyway and here is what I wrote.
My name is Linda. I am 52 year old. I am a loving first time grandparent and a mom of two grown kids. I have been reading your blog for quite some time now. I can't begin to express how much your words inspire me each and every day. I wake up each day, and truly look forward to reading about your journey, wishing I could follow in your footsteps. My story is like most, I am not so unique when it comes to weight loss struggles. I have never been able to beat this disease. One failed attempt after another, but I have never, ever given up. My highest weight was 41l pounds. I presently weigh 392.8. I am watching my life slip away day by day. Everything that is near and dear to me is in jeopardy. My job is presently accommodating me to work from home, but I am so worried that I will not be able to go back to work in 4 months because nothing has changed. Out of desperation, I am going thru the preop steps to have lapband surgery. I don't want to go to this extreme, but I feel so very desperate to save my life. At the same time I am petrified to have the surgery and die on the table. But if I keep going like this, I will die too. I just really need help and need to do something very different and drastic to save my life. I just can't go on like this. Life is passing me by and if I continue on this road I am on, well, my life will be cut very short. I just had my first grandchild last August. She is the most precious baby. I want to be able to take her to the park, to be here to watch her grow up and be part of her life. My mother died in 1993 from a stroke related to her morbid obesity. My biggest fear is that if I don't get this weight off now, I too will not be here much longer. I have successfully lost weight various times. In 1998 I lost over 100 pounds following a weight loss program that removed sugar and white flour from my diet. I did really well and lost 111 pounds in about 10 months. When I relapsed back into the sugar/carbs, I put the weight back on plus some. I can't believe so much time has passed since then. Diet after diet, trying so hard to get my life back to no avail. I now understand that this has to be a lifestyle change in order for me to see permanent change. I have watched you really get your life back because of all the hard work you have done over the years. But I also know that when you started on the Medifast program, it gave you what you needed at the time, a tool to take that next step into your journey. It gave you structure around your food. Lynn, that is what I need, structure around my food. I need to be able to just open a packet, eat it and move on. No mess, no fuss. I can't be thinking about what am I going to eat next, or have too much variety right now. I need to keep things simple. I have been praying for a way to financially be able to afford to do Medifast. If you choose me, I promise that I will give everything that I have and stick with it the whole time. I want to save my life. I have a wonderful husband who has stuck by me all these years. If it were not for him, well I just don't know. I am tired of not being an active participant in my own life. I don't want to spend the rest of my life stuck in a wheelchair. I want to feel what it feels like to walk without pain again. I want to travel, and help others. I want to stop talking about it and do it. Food needs to not have so much importance in my life, and with Medifast, I think it would be my ticket out of this hell I live in, day in and day out. I need to start from ground zero. I do believe that this program can help me change my life. The Medifast program will give me the tools and opportunity to get my life back. If you choose me I will not let you down. I will work hard and follow the program to the letter. I know that there is no such thing as perfection. But it’s not about want anymore, I need to do this. I am willing to give this program 110percent so I can get my life back. It’s been a long time since I have had these feelings of hope.
Kind Regards,
Linda
I can't believe I won! I am so excited to be able to have this opportunity to jumpstart my weight loss program. I plan to blog about my experience each day once I start the Medifast program.
Today's weight 384.2
Stayed tuned and be well.
Linda
http://escapefromobesity.blogspot.com/2010/07/month-of-medifast-who-won.html
I was really wanting to try Medifast before this giveaway happened, but finances have been very tight and I was really concerned about putting that much money out and finding that program might not be a good fit for me. So many deserving folks had already entered the giveway by the time I decided to leave a comment that I almost didn't even try. I decided that I was going to leave a comment anyway and here is what I wrote.
My name is Linda. I am 52 year old. I am a loving first time grandparent and a mom of two grown kids. I have been reading your blog for quite some time now. I can't begin to express how much your words inspire me each and every day. I wake up each day, and truly look forward to reading about your journey, wishing I could follow in your footsteps. My story is like most, I am not so unique when it comes to weight loss struggles. I have never been able to beat this disease. One failed attempt after another, but I have never, ever given up. My highest weight was 41l pounds. I presently weigh 392.8. I am watching my life slip away day by day. Everything that is near and dear to me is in jeopardy. My job is presently accommodating me to work from home, but I am so worried that I will not be able to go back to work in 4 months because nothing has changed. Out of desperation, I am going thru the preop steps to have lapband surgery. I don't want to go to this extreme, but I feel so very desperate to save my life. At the same time I am petrified to have the surgery and die on the table. But if I keep going like this, I will die too. I just really need help and need to do something very different and drastic to save my life. I just can't go on like this. Life is passing me by and if I continue on this road I am on, well, my life will be cut very short. I just had my first grandchild last August. She is the most precious baby. I want to be able to take her to the park, to be here to watch her grow up and be part of her life. My mother died in 1993 from a stroke related to her morbid obesity. My biggest fear is that if I don't get this weight off now, I too will not be here much longer. I have successfully lost weight various times. In 1998 I lost over 100 pounds following a weight loss program that removed sugar and white flour from my diet. I did really well and lost 111 pounds in about 10 months. When I relapsed back into the sugar/carbs, I put the weight back on plus some. I can't believe so much time has passed since then. Diet after diet, trying so hard to get my life back to no avail. I now understand that this has to be a lifestyle change in order for me to see permanent change. I have watched you really get your life back because of all the hard work you have done over the years. But I also know that when you started on the Medifast program, it gave you what you needed at the time, a tool to take that next step into your journey. It gave you structure around your food. Lynn, that is what I need, structure around my food. I need to be able to just open a packet, eat it and move on. No mess, no fuss. I can't be thinking about what am I going to eat next, or have too much variety right now. I need to keep things simple. I have been praying for a way to financially be able to afford to do Medifast. If you choose me, I promise that I will give everything that I have and stick with it the whole time. I want to save my life. I have a wonderful husband who has stuck by me all these years. If it were not for him, well I just don't know. I am tired of not being an active participant in my own life. I don't want to spend the rest of my life stuck in a wheelchair. I want to feel what it feels like to walk without pain again. I want to travel, and help others. I want to stop talking about it and do it. Food needs to not have so much importance in my life, and with Medifast, I think it would be my ticket out of this hell I live in, day in and day out. I need to start from ground zero. I do believe that this program can help me change my life. The Medifast program will give me the tools and opportunity to get my life back. If you choose me I will not let you down. I will work hard and follow the program to the letter. I know that there is no such thing as perfection. But it’s not about want anymore, I need to do this. I am willing to give this program 110percent so I can get my life back. It’s been a long time since I have had these feelings of hope.
Kind Regards,
Linda
I can't believe I won! I am so excited to be able to have this opportunity to jumpstart my weight loss program. I plan to blog about my experience each day once I start the Medifast program.
Today's weight 384.2
Stayed tuned and be well.
Linda
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