Day 84 Decide

I have heard this word a lot this week. Decide. I like this word. It is strong and powerful.

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines the word decide as follows:

a : to make a final choice or judgment about
b : to select as a course of action —used with an infinitive

Well I have DECIDED that even if the number on my scale does not line up with my dedication and good choices concerning my food, I will not stray. I will not stuff my face with food and throw my hands up in defeat. No, I have decided to just keep on doing exactly what I have been doing. Eat healthy foods, write down what goes into my mouth, and continue to track my 1500 calories each and every day.

The only thing I might change is weighing in so often. I think I am going to start weighing in every two weeks instead of weekly. This will provide some distance between me and the scale. While I love it when number on the scale goes down, it's quite another story when the number goes up. Even more discouraging when you stayed the course and don't know why the scale shows a gain.

Today the scale says 368.6. That is a gain of 2.2 lbs from last week. I don’t feel I deserve this gain. But you can bet that the next weigh-in that number will go down. I have decided!

Until next time, be well.

Linda~

Day 78 Life In One Hand…

I have been thinking a lot lately about how all my life, I have used food to change my state of mind. Food has been everything from my recreation to my medication. It has been really hard to not allow myself to do that anymore. I mean, it’s what I have done ALL my life. Eating when happy, sad, angry, lonely, tired, bored, hurt, broken. Food has helped me get through some really rough times, and while I had to wear the results of those unhealthy food choices, eating those foods seemed to soothe my soul. It really did seem to help, even if just for a moment. It was my friend and my worst enemy all at the same time.

Doing life on life’s terms is really hard. Everyday I fight to not use food which is my choice of a mind altering substance Is there life without participating in the all you can eat buffets? I mean, ever since I can remember it has been all about the food. In my world, food has taken up so much of my time. And now that the holidays are just weeks away, one after another, it will be even more important than ever to stay the course. To not go back into thinking that just this one time, or I can start over tomorrow. Because that thinking is a lie. There will be no tomorrow if I allow the food to creep back in like before.

I know I need a game plan. I know that just because it is Halloween, Thanksgiving Day, or Christmas it is not a license to binge or stuff myself with foods that only make my short and long terms goals just that much further away. No, I don’t need to throw in the towel and go back to the foods that I know I can’t handle eating. In order to escape from this obese body, I must be diligent in my efforts and not allow excuses to find their way back into my mind or life.

It is not easy to not mess around with the food. Food is everywhere, and I get to make the choice many times a day as to what I am going to feed my body. Food can longer long be a recreational thing I do. Not to say that it can’t be fun to eat. But, it just can’t be my everything anymore. There are some days that I am so happy to have found the power to fight back. But I won’t lie. There are other times that I am profoundly sad that I can’t eat the way I used to. Without thinking, without writing down everything that goes in my mouth. I find it tedious that I should have to write down what goes in my mouth. I want to be like other people, you know, those people who just seem to eat what they want and never gain a pound. However, I am not that naive to think that even those people really do have a method to their madness. Yes, there are a few folks out there that can eat whatever they want and never put on a single pound and never exercise. But, for the most part, most people have to balance what they eat with exercise and that does allow them to indulge a lot more in the foods they love and not pile on the pounds.

So my message for myself today is something that I have heard in the recovery rooms. We keep our food in one hand and our lives in the other (separate), and we don't mix them. food <-------> life …..DON'T CLAP!

For me, adhering to this concept must be a priority in order for me to be successful on this journey. So today, my life in one hand and my food in the other hand and I DO NOT CLAP!

Today the scales said 366.4. That is 3lbs down from last week for a total of 31.8lbs down since 8/4/10. I am so excited. I am doing this, one day a time. Once decision at a time.


Until next time, be well.

Linda~

Day 71 Food

I worked really hard this last week to make healthy food choices and to reverse the gained weight from my unplanned binge last weekend. I am not going to lie and say it was easy. It wasn't. But I also realized that no two days are the same. Some days are easy no brainers and other days I struggle all day to make good choices. There are some days that I battle the food from the time I get up to the time I go to bed. It has been really hard to change the way I think about food and not be the person I have been around the food for over 42 yrs.

A Facebook friend of mine told me that it is important to understand that FOOD is not enemy. The enemy is ME. The battle that I am fighting is the wrong battle. I need to be my own champion and get out of my own way so I can be successful. I have lied to myself for years, and justified my behavior for so long so that I could continue to eat what I wanted, when I wanted it. It’s time to understand that food is my friend and it’s here to sustain me, and it’s me that abused that relationship, not the other way around. I am a work in progress.

Today the scale says 369.4. That’s 2.4 lbs down from my lowest weight of 371.8 two weeks ago. That's more like it!

Until next time, be well and happy.

Linda~

Day 64 Taking the Scenic Route

This last week has been much harder than most weeks gone by. Last week, not losing weight really messed with my head. As much as I hate to admit it, it did. I tried to push away the feelings of disappointment for days. But by Sunday, it was all too much, and I decided to look the other way and went back to comforting myself with food. Yes, I made the decision to take the scenic route with my food. This is really old food addict behavior for me and I wish that I could find a way not to do it anymore.

For some reason, rather than working even harder when I gain or don’t lose at all, I get so caught up in feeling like such a loser. I get depressed and disappointed and I turn to my old friend food. Now where is the logic in that? I know, I know, it all comes from a purely emotional place. Since I am a food addict, it is what I do. I medicate and try to fix all of my problems with food. Yet the reason I struggle with so many problems in my life IS because of the overeating of the food. Sigh…..

The good news is that I got right back on track Monday morning. So my down time was minimized by my ability to bounce back faster than normal. But I must say, things are a lot harder this time around for me in the weight loss department. I am getting older, and not being able to walk has really made a difference in my ability to burn more fat. I have done some chair exercises, but it’s not the same as walking. I need to find ways to work out harder without have to use my hips or knees. I know that the pool at the local gym is another option, but getting to the pool is the hard part LOL. But I can’t make any excuses anymore because my body requires movement to be a more efficient burning machine.

I know a lot of folks say Progress, NOT perfection. I too preach that a lot. But I want to be perfectly on program. I don’t have time for willy nilly attempts. It’s a waste of time, time I can’t afford. I want to lose some weight each and every week. I want consistant results. But I must stop taking the the scenic detours along the way. I have smelled the roses for far too long. It’s time to take the sometimes down and dirty roads to my destintion. The only way to be a winner at this game is to keep my game face on and fight. Fight harder, with everything I got and never give up.

Today the scale says 375.2. That is a 3.4lbs gain. It is sure more fun posting a weight loss. But being honest is very important. I ate off program on Sunday, a lot off program, and the scale does not lie. But I will not let this defeat me. I have so much to gain if I don’t give up. Giving up can’t be an option. It hurts that I hurt myself with food. I wish I didn’t turn to the food, but I can’t take back what I did. I can only move forward and do better.

Game face on… YES! Big girl panties on…YES!

Until next time, be well.

Linda~