Day 91 INSANITY

I decided that today’s post was not going to be so much about food. I have a lot on my mind right now, and since this journal is for me, it needs to be about me to help me. I want my journal to be a place where I can write what I feel is going on in my life to help me through this weight loss journey. It is the very stuff that is so hard to talk about, so personal. But if I don’t write it out, I won’t have any healing, and I want to get better.

My son is someone I love very much. Over the last 11 years of his 27 years on this earth, I have tried so hard to help him. Suffice to say that he struggles with an addiction along with other life issue. I have tried everything I know how to do to help him, but none of the things I tried worked. The one thing I have not tried is letting go. It’s something I should have done a long time ago. But in spite of knowing what I should do, the reality is that it’s very hard to do when it’s your own child. Because no matter what age they are, they are still YOUR children. But loving him to death was never my intention.

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and
expecting different results. "
For the last 11 years, I have been living in an insane situation. And while I know that the only person I can change is me, I persisted in helping my son because he kept coming back to me saying he wanted to change. He would say all the right things I needed to hear in order to continue the insanity, and I bought it… hook, line, and sinker. I was willing to go to any lengths to help him help himself. But the wrong person was doing all the work. In the end, all the rules were broken, all the promises made were broken, and it saddens me to say that once again, I am exactly where I was 11 years ago. Heartbroken.

The one thing I forgot is we all must grow up and experience the consequences of our choices, good or bad. It is time that I give him the respect to live his life the way he chooses. I love him more than he will ever know. But it’s an illusion to believe that I could change anyone but myself. I pray that one day soon he will decide to do whatever it takes to turn his life around.

The 3 R’s of growing up:

The first R stands for taking responsibility; growing up is a process of taking increasing
responsibility for our choices and actions.

The second R is for doing the right thing, which almost always produces the best result and leaves us feeling good about ourselves.

The third R is for respecting ourselves, which leads us to make better choices and care more
about doing our best.
Today the scale said 366.2. That is 2.4 down from last week for a total of 32lbs down since 8/4/10.

Until next time, be well.

Linda~