I knew this day would come. The day when the scale does not move in my favor one way or the other. I also knew that I was going to have continue to keep my motivation front and center to continue on this journey no matter what news the scale provides me on a weekly basis.
Today is one of those days. When you know you have done everything right, but the scale does not indicate that. On days like today when I don’t get that positive feedback from the number going down on the scale it is important to define the “why” I want to lose weight.
I decided that today would be a good day to remind myself of the “why” I want and need to lose this weight.
So I can become physically and mentally healthy.
So I am able to walk without pain.
So the pain in my knees and hip go away.
So I can fit on any airplane seat to visit my family.
So I can ride a bike.
So I can fit in the bathtub.
So I can take a shower without fear from falling.
So the sleep apnea I have will go away.
So I can bend and polish my own toenails.
So I can tie my own shoes.
So I can have more energy.
So I can take my dogs for a walk.
So I can see my grandchild grow up and get married one day.
So I can buy clothes in a regular clothes store and fit into a size 10.
To be able to take the stairs.
To add years to my life.
To be a better wife, mother, and friend.
To be able to feel confident in my own skin.
To not feel tired all the time.
To not have a heart attack or stroke or some other weight related disease.
To be able to walk on a treadmill or exercise on a recumbent bike.
To feel strong and beautiful.
These are just some of my personal goals that will continue to motivate me on this weight loss journey. I must remind myself often to not let the number on the scale be the only definition of success. I must continue to look at all the positive changes I have made and will continue to make to become the person I want to be.
Today the scale said 371.8 lbs. Today there was no weight loss change. But, let there be no doubt that I am changing. I am going to win. I will see my dreams come true. One day at a time.
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Day 55 Food Journaling
Part of my success this time with staying on track has been my food journal. Each and every day I write down my foods and the caloric value. It is so important to my success in losing weight because without it, I have no road map.
There are days that I hate that I must write down every little thing I put into my mouth. There are days when I want to eat more food than my left over calories permit. There are days that I just want to be “normal” around food. But I am not normal around food. I need to have the truth in black and white. I need a tool that that shows me that I have had enough food for today!
Keeping a food journal is my safety net. It keeps me from from believing the little lies my mind tells me. It keeps this weight loss journey real! There are some nights that I have only a few calories left and would like to say the heck with it, tomorrow I will eat less, make up for it. That is when the flashing red lights and sirens need to go off. Once I start to feed into that mentality I get into very slippery territory. If I give myself permission to just this once….well we all know what just this once, or I will get right back on track tomorrow line has typically given me. For me, the 1500 calorie boundery can’t be crossed. I must be strong and not lie to myself anymore. I must be iron clad with my decision to stay the course, no matter who, no matter what, no matter why, no MATTER WHO!!!
I felt like Julia Roberts there for a moment, you know the scene she has in Pretty Woman. LOL. Okay, maybe you don’t…Anyways….
I refuse to tell myself those little lies anymore. I refuse for even one moment to let my mind trick me into believing that just one extra anything that is not within my caloric budget is okay to sneak in. Nothing short of complete honesty surrounding my food choices and caloric count is going to to be tolerated.
It’s great when you have made a decision because there is no more bargaining your way out of what you know you MUST do. No more excuses, no more lies, no more looking the other way.
Until next time, be well.
Linda
There are days that I hate that I must write down every little thing I put into my mouth. There are days when I want to eat more food than my left over calories permit. There are days that I just want to be “normal” around food. But I am not normal around food. I need to have the truth in black and white. I need a tool that that shows me that I have had enough food for today!
Keeping a food journal is my safety net. It keeps me from from believing the little lies my mind tells me. It keeps this weight loss journey real! There are some nights that I have only a few calories left and would like to say the heck with it, tomorrow I will eat less, make up for it. That is when the flashing red lights and sirens need to go off. Once I start to feed into that mentality I get into very slippery territory. If I give myself permission to just this once….well we all know what just this once, or I will get right back on track tomorrow line has typically given me. For me, the 1500 calorie boundery can’t be crossed. I must be strong and not lie to myself anymore. I must be iron clad with my decision to stay the course, no matter who, no matter what, no matter why, no MATTER WHO!!!
I felt like Julia Roberts there for a moment, you know the scene she has in Pretty Woman. LOL. Okay, maybe you don’t…Anyways….
I refuse to tell myself those little lies anymore. I refuse for even one moment to let my mind trick me into believing that just one extra anything that is not within my caloric budget is okay to sneak in. Nothing short of complete honesty surrounding my food choices and caloric count is going to to be tolerated.
It’s great when you have made a decision because there is no more bargaining your way out of what you know you MUST do. No more excuses, no more lies, no more looking the other way.
Until next time, be well.
Linda
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Day 50 Oh Yeah!!!
Okay, so I have not been blogging as often as I would like, but the important thing is I am still on program! WHOOHOOO! I am so happy to be able to say that I have 50 days today. Gosh, I have not had this much time strung together in a long, long, long time.
I must say that I am excited because the more on program days I get behind me the closer I get to becoming the healthy person I want to be. I know I can do this because I decided to do this no matter what. I don’t care what day it is, this is how I need to eat for the rest of my life, no excuses. I must also say that for me, portion control is important. However, when I am choosing whole foods over processed garbage I also get fuller faster and stay full longer. It’s time to make a bit of change in WHAT I eat.
Let me explain. My loving husband is a type 2 insulin dependant diabetic. He struggles every day to keep his numbers normal the same way I struggle to lose weight. If he is to control his blood sugar levels it is going to be very important to keep a journal of his food, his blood glucose readings, and choose to eat from whole foods. In order for him to dose his insulin correctly he needs to know how many carbs he is about to eat and then figure out the ratio of insulin to carbs. For him it's a life and death choice too. He really needs to stay away from the carby type foods because when he eats of those foods his need for insulin goes up exponentially. Eating very low carb is the ONLY thing that really helps with having to take less insulin. I love my husband and want him to be around a long, long time. We both need to get healthy! So...our plan of action is to start eating more real foods and leave the other stuff alone. It is the highly processed foods that keep me begging for more and as for my husband he is not able to control his high sugar readings when he consumes them. It is time that we seriously adopt this lifestyle change. It's not only about how much we eat, it's about what we eat too.
Over the past 50 days I have been leaving about 300-400 calories each night available to have my sugar free fudge bars, my whole wheat pretzels, my south beach double chocolate bars. And while I have not suffered any ill affect as far as my weight loss goes, I do often suffer from a constant craving for more. With that being said, I have decided to lessen my processed food intake, and reduce my carb choices and replace them with foods like protein and fruit. Because even if I eat whatever I want, and make mostly healthy choices for my 1500 calories, the fact is, 300-400 calories a day that I am presently spending on these types of foods could potentionally cause me to loose control. Ice-cream, food replacement bars, pretzels, rice cakes with peanut butter. These are things I have allowed myself to eat in a portioned controlled manner but sometimes these choices really leave me wanting much more. There is a lot to be said by keeping things really simple. Now, that is not to say that I will never have a sugar free fudge bar or rice cakes with peanut butter again. But for me, I am learning that these choices have to be the exception, not the rule.
Well it’s weigh day! I am so very grateful that the scale gods were smiling down on me today. I can't say that I don't hold my breath everytime I step on that darn scale, even when I know I am doing all the right things LOL...
Today the scale says 371.8. That’s 4lbs down from last week, which is a total of 26.4lbs down.
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
I must say that I am excited because the more on program days I get behind me the closer I get to becoming the healthy person I want to be. I know I can do this because I decided to do this no matter what. I don’t care what day it is, this is how I need to eat for the rest of my life, no excuses. I must also say that for me, portion control is important. However, when I am choosing whole foods over processed garbage I also get fuller faster and stay full longer. It’s time to make a bit of change in WHAT I eat.
Let me explain. My loving husband is a type 2 insulin dependant diabetic. He struggles every day to keep his numbers normal the same way I struggle to lose weight. If he is to control his blood sugar levels it is going to be very important to keep a journal of his food, his blood glucose readings, and choose to eat from whole foods. In order for him to dose his insulin correctly he needs to know how many carbs he is about to eat and then figure out the ratio of insulin to carbs. For him it's a life and death choice too. He really needs to stay away from the carby type foods because when he eats of those foods his need for insulin goes up exponentially. Eating very low carb is the ONLY thing that really helps with having to take less insulin. I love my husband and want him to be around a long, long time. We both need to get healthy! So...our plan of action is to start eating more real foods and leave the other stuff alone. It is the highly processed foods that keep me begging for more and as for my husband he is not able to control his high sugar readings when he consumes them. It is time that we seriously adopt this lifestyle change. It's not only about how much we eat, it's about what we eat too.
Over the past 50 days I have been leaving about 300-400 calories each night available to have my sugar free fudge bars, my whole wheat pretzels, my south beach double chocolate bars. And while I have not suffered any ill affect as far as my weight loss goes, I do often suffer from a constant craving for more. With that being said, I have decided to lessen my processed food intake, and reduce my carb choices and replace them with foods like protein and fruit. Because even if I eat whatever I want, and make mostly healthy choices for my 1500 calories, the fact is, 300-400 calories a day that I am presently spending on these types of foods could potentionally cause me to loose control. Ice-cream, food replacement bars, pretzels, rice cakes with peanut butter. These are things I have allowed myself to eat in a portioned controlled manner but sometimes these choices really leave me wanting much more. There is a lot to be said by keeping things really simple. Now, that is not to say that I will never have a sugar free fudge bar or rice cakes with peanut butter again. But for me, I am learning that these choices have to be the exception, not the rule.
Well it’s weigh day! I am so very grateful that the scale gods were smiling down on me today. I can't say that I don't hold my breath everytime I step on that darn scale, even when I know I am doing all the right things LOL...
Today the scale says 371.8. That’s 4lbs down from last week, which is a total of 26.4lbs down.
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Day 43 Getting Stronger Everyday
I can’t believe that it’s been over a month since I started this weight loss journey. Mind you I have started many similar weight loss journeys
thousands of times before. With each new diet there was so much hope. But that hope would soon fade to feelings of hopelessness in short order. So many failed attempts left me feeling like such a failure. Feelings of dispair, fustration, disapointment, anger, worthlessness, fear, and self hate. I hated myself everytime I chose the food over what was good for me. Fearful that I would never be able to conquer my compulsive overeating. This weight loss journey was and still is one of the hardest things that I will ever do in my life. But in spite of always falling short, soooo many failed attempts, I am still willing and thank God able to work my program to get my life back. The choice is mine. Do I want quality of life or an early death.
Every day my commitment to losing this weight and changing my life is tested. Some days the food thoughts are so relentless that I think I will lose my mind if I don’t act on them. But I have learned that I can walk through those hard times and come out on the other side stronger and more confident. The more I don’t give in to those foods, the stronger I get. I am really beginning to understand that these feelings that I feel when the food calls to me are not facts. In fact, they are just…FEELINGS. If I continue to be honest around my food, I KNOW I can become the person that I want to be and I will walk without the aid of a cane or wheelchair and live a life free of the chains of obesity.
Everyday that I say no to the foods that take me out I say yes to a my new life. My life depends on my good choices. I asked God on a daily basis to give me the strength to embrace this new way of eating. Thank you God, I am GRATEFUL~
Today the scale says 375.8. That’s 2.4 lbs down from last week, which is a total of 22.4lbs down.
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
thousands of times before. With each new diet there was so much hope. But that hope would soon fade to feelings of hopelessness in short order. So many failed attempts left me feeling like such a failure. Feelings of dispair, fustration, disapointment, anger, worthlessness, fear, and self hate. I hated myself everytime I chose the food over what was good for me. Fearful that I would never be able to conquer my compulsive overeating. This weight loss journey was and still is one of the hardest things that I will ever do in my life. But in spite of always falling short, soooo many failed attempts, I am still willing and thank God able to work my program to get my life back. The choice is mine. Do I want quality of life or an early death.
Every day my commitment to losing this weight and changing my life is tested. Some days the food thoughts are so relentless that I think I will lose my mind if I don’t act on them. But I have learned that I can walk through those hard times and come out on the other side stronger and more confident. The more I don’t give in to those foods, the stronger I get. I am really beginning to understand that these feelings that I feel when the food calls to me are not facts. In fact, they are just…FEELINGS. If I continue to be honest around my food, I KNOW I can become the person that I want to be and I will walk without the aid of a cane or wheelchair and live a life free of the chains of obesity.
Everyday that I say no to the foods that take me out I say yes to a my new life. My life depends on my good choices. I asked God on a daily basis to give me the strength to embrace this new way of eating. Thank you God, I am GRATEFUL~
Today the scale says 375.8. That’s 2.4 lbs down from last week, which is a total of 22.4lbs down.
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Day 36 Slow But Steady
Well the holiday weekend is over and I made it through without a gain. However, I am a bit disappointed in my weight loss this week. But I do know that I am relieved that I did not gain. I think I know why the scale told a different story this week. I actually added more carbs to my food plan, i.e. beans, rice, and potatoes to the mix. My body tends to hold a lot more water when I eat from these foods. If I tend to stay lean and grean, the weight comes off a lot easier. However, I am in this for life, so there will be days or times that I CHOOSE to eat from these food groups and the scale will not be as kind.
I think it’s funny how just last week I said I could not count on feeling any weight loss, but this week, I felt the weight loss! I was sure the scale was going to show me a big number, but alas, I was wrong. But I am not going to allow this disappointment to keep me down one more moment because I did eat on plan! I did count my calories and I did not cheat! I could have made better choices perhaps, but all my choices were within my food plan. That’s because nothing is off limits on my food plan, just better choices. It really makes it so much easier to stick to a program where you can eat from all food groups. Because for me, the minute I get into the diet mentality the cheating begins. There is no cheating on my food plan because there is nothing that I can’t have if I plan for it. That’s the beauty of not dieting anymore. I think there is a big difference in being accountable for what you put into your mouth versus eliminating specific foods from your diet.
There is no on again off again with my food plan. I can’t tell you how liberating this is! Now, this is not to say that I eat from all foods just because I can. I look at my calories like spendable cash. There are some days that my spendable cash/calories are spent at Walmart and other days it’s spent at Coach. LOL.
It just depends on my food choices. So a day with all lean and green chioices with fruit would be a Coach day. On another day, I might choose some fast food choices and more processed type food/snacks that are definitley of the Walmart variety. However, both allow me to be successful. As long as I am being accoutable. Being accountable for me means I write my food down, I keep track of my calories. I try to use commom sense with my choices. I try to eat just one or two carb choices a day. I try to use the knowledge that I have acquired all these years jumping from one diet to another and make all that information work for me. No one knows me better than me. My actions with food must be mindful, deliberate. I can’t afford to be anything less than diligent. Too much is at stake. I will make an effort this week to put more unprocessed foods into my body. If I expect to get the results I want, then I need to keep this real. I need work on choosing better quality foods to put into my body. I know my body will thank me for it!
Today the scale said 378.2 Just a tiny.6lb loss. However, I have lost 20lbs in the last month!
Until next time, be well.
Linda
I think it’s funny how just last week I said I could not count on feeling any weight loss, but this week, I felt the weight loss! I was sure the scale was going to show me a big number, but alas, I was wrong. But I am not going to allow this disappointment to keep me down one more moment because I did eat on plan! I did count my calories and I did not cheat! I could have made better choices perhaps, but all my choices were within my food plan. That’s because nothing is off limits on my food plan, just better choices. It really makes it so much easier to stick to a program where you can eat from all food groups. Because for me, the minute I get into the diet mentality the cheating begins. There is no cheating on my food plan because there is nothing that I can’t have if I plan for it. That’s the beauty of not dieting anymore. I think there is a big difference in being accountable for what you put into your mouth versus eliminating specific foods from your diet.
There is no on again off again with my food plan. I can’t tell you how liberating this is! Now, this is not to say that I eat from all foods just because I can. I look at my calories like spendable cash. There are some days that my spendable cash/calories are spent at Walmart and other days it’s spent at Coach. LOL.
It just depends on my food choices. So a day with all lean and green chioices with fruit would be a Coach day. On another day, I might choose some fast food choices and more processed type food/snacks that are definitley of the Walmart variety. However, both allow me to be successful. As long as I am being accoutable. Being accountable for me means I write my food down, I keep track of my calories. I try to use commom sense with my choices. I try to eat just one or two carb choices a day. I try to use the knowledge that I have acquired all these years jumping from one diet to another and make all that information work for me. No one knows me better than me. My actions with food must be mindful, deliberate. I can’t afford to be anything less than diligent. Too much is at stake. I will make an effort this week to put more unprocessed foods into my body. If I expect to get the results I want, then I need to keep this real. I need work on choosing better quality foods to put into my body. I know my body will thank me for it!
Today the scale said 378.2 Just a tiny.6lb loss. However, I have lost 20lbs in the last month!
Until next time, be well.
Linda
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Day 28 New Digits
Today is weigh day. I can’t lie, it is with much anticipation that I get on the scale hoping, praying that the number reflects my good choices. In fact, the day before weigh day I will dwell on whether or not what I have been eating, not eating, doing is enough to see a loss. Did skipping the pizza at my grandchild’s birthday party make a difference? Did all the little decisions I made along the way to eat on program pay off? At my weight, it is sometimes hard to feel the weight loss. So I can’t go by how I feel as much as what does the scale say these days. Eventually, this will change….but for now, it’s all about the numbers on the scale.
One month of choosing life before my favorite foods. YES!! Don’t get me wrong, I have been here before, only to fall face down into all the old foods and behaviors that got me into this mess to begin with. Off and running I go. I want this time to be different. I have too much at stake to think I can afford to binge on my favorite foods. Some days the mind games are ruthless. I hear things like, just one won’t hurt, or you deserve to eat xyz. You have been so good. I have to constantly fight those urges and call on the truth of the matter. The truth is, if I keep doing what I have always done, I will continue to get, what I always got. A life full of physical struggle, emotional pain, humiliation, and despair. A life half lived. No more!
I refuse to let food dictate my life anymore. I am not so naive to believe it will be easy, but I KNOW it will be worth it! At my weight, there are so many limitations to what I can do. Add to this, the fact that I need a hip replacement and can’t really walk which really limits my exercise. Living with severe chronic pain really plays a role in what I can physically do right now. I know if I just keep doing what I am doing with my food choices, one day at a time, it will all fall into place. Things will get better. Soon enough, I will be able to have less pain and that will motivate me to start moving more. I should be going at least to the swimming pool to move my body in the water. But I am in so much pain just trying to get to the pool, I get discouraged. Just trying to get dressed to get to the pool and then undressed upon coming out of the pool is exhausting right now. I know all this will change as long as I continue to eat on program.
The plan going forward is to eat within my 1500 calorie range. No special foods, no diet pills, no magic bullets. Did you know that there are no magic solutions?
The solution for me is to stay within my calorie budget make good choices in my food selections. I plan to see this all the way to the end this time. There is no turning back, I don’t have the luxury of time anymore.
Today the scale says 378.8 I have lost 19.4 lbs in the last 28 days/month.
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
One month of choosing life before my favorite foods. YES!! Don’t get me wrong, I have been here before, only to fall face down into all the old foods and behaviors that got me into this mess to begin with. Off and running I go. I want this time to be different. I have too much at stake to think I can afford to binge on my favorite foods. Some days the mind games are ruthless. I hear things like, just one won’t hurt, or you deserve to eat xyz. You have been so good. I have to constantly fight those urges and call on the truth of the matter. The truth is, if I keep doing what I have always done, I will continue to get, what I always got. A life full of physical struggle, emotional pain, humiliation, and despair. A life half lived. No more!
I refuse to let food dictate my life anymore. I am not so naive to believe it will be easy, but I KNOW it will be worth it! At my weight, there are so many limitations to what I can do. Add to this, the fact that I need a hip replacement and can’t really walk which really limits my exercise. Living with severe chronic pain really plays a role in what I can physically do right now. I know if I just keep doing what I am doing with my food choices, one day at a time, it will all fall into place. Things will get better. Soon enough, I will be able to have less pain and that will motivate me to start moving more. I should be going at least to the swimming pool to move my body in the water. But I am in so much pain just trying to get to the pool, I get discouraged. Just trying to get dressed to get to the pool and then undressed upon coming out of the pool is exhausting right now. I know all this will change as long as I continue to eat on program.
The plan going forward is to eat within my 1500 calorie range. No special foods, no diet pills, no magic bullets. Did you know that there are no magic solutions?
The solution for me is to stay within my calorie budget make good choices in my food selections. I plan to see this all the way to the end this time. There is no turning back, I don’t have the luxury of time anymore.
Today the scale says 378.8 I have lost 19.4 lbs in the last 28 days/month.
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
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