Weekends Day 4 & 5

Saturday & Sunday are the days that I struggle the most. For some reason my mentality changes on the weekend. My thinking becomes corrupt. There is a mental switch that seems to get flipped that is nothing but trouble. All my life I have used food as my recreation. The more I ate, the bigger I became, the smaller my life became. To make up for the smaller life, the food became my everything. Food became my best friend and my worst enemy all at the same time. No matter how upset or unhappy I was with my life, food seemed to make it better...at least for a little while. But the price has far exceeded what I am willing to pay anymore. What price you might ask? Here is a small list off the top of my head.

1 Can't walk more than 25ft without extreme pain
2 Can't get a hip replacement due to my size
3 Must use a wheelchair or a electric scooter because I can't walk
4 Can't fit in an airplane seat
5 Can't get on the floor with my grandchild
6 Stop breathing during my sleep due to sleep apnea
7 Breathless with very little exertion
8 Afraid to fall in the shower because my balance is so bad
9 Mentally exhausted
10 Can only do minimal and I mean minimal housework or cooking
11.If I fall, I can't pick myself up
12 Body Rashes
13 Personal hygiene is difficult
14 Getting out of be is exhausting
15 Can't travel
16 I am barely holding down my job
17 Constant worry about dying young
18 Unable to participate in life like I would like due to pain and being overweight
19 Uncomfortable in my own skin
20 Physically exhausted all the time!

These are just a few of the things that I live with because food is not in its place. These are things that can be corrected if I stop making food the priority, my best friend. Writing down my food, eating on program, this all makes me feel so much better than any binge ever did. The price of eating whatever I want, whenever I want, in what portions I want, is monumental. Yo Yo dieting is what got me here. The only person who can do this for me is me. There is another meal coming. I am worth the time and effort it takes and it’s going to take sometime to get healthy again. A lifetime of abusing food, using it medicate is not going to be arrested overnight. And while my life may be unmanageable right now, I am NOT powerless over food. I HOLD THE KEY! I HAVE THE POWER! IT IS WITHIN ME! I DO HAVE THE POWER TO GET MY LIFE BACK! It won't happen overnight, but it will happen. If I continue to put my food program before anyone or anything it will happen.

Until next time, be well.

Linda