The last few weeks have been really good. I am happy to say that I have been on program 100%. Tracking my food is really helpful. I am able to see that I have indeed eaten and when I am done, I am done. But, not so fast. Just because my food journal says I should be done eating does not mean my mind agrees.
As a food addict, I seem to struggle the most at night. I have always been the type of person who can and would often go all day without food. But once I ate a meal, it was a BIG meal. Sometimes, I would eat 1500 or 2000 or more calories in just one sitting. Let’s keep it real, it’s not that hard to do. A Big Mac, Large Fries, a Chocolate Milkshake and your calories are over the top. You are in like Flynn. Thousands of calories in one sitting. Oh yeah, and let’s not forget the additional late night snacking. The day would not feel complete without those extra goodies.
The hard part is that I still struggle so much at night. My meals never feel like they are enough and leave me wanting for more. I think the switch that tells most people that they have had enough is broken in me. Even after 3 weeks of eating nutritious meals I always want more. Even after a very generously portioned meal I want more. Typically, it’s a craving for some dessert type food. I wonder if I will always be this way? I wonder why I am wired this way?
In the end it does not matter. The feelings of wanting to compulsively eat might never go away, but I must do what I need to do to get this weight off me. Choosing to eat on program is choosing life instead of an early death. I just can’t believe that I still struggle so much day in and day out with food.
Some people say that they are emotitonal eaters. I personally don’t have any one reason why I eat. I think I eat because I like to eat. That’s it. I like the way food tastes and the way I feel when I am eating it. But those feelings are very short lived. Perhaps that is why I need to keep stuffing my face with food to continue to have those good feelings. I need to find a way to get those good feelings from some other place other than the food.
Today was weigh day. The scale says: 382.4 I am down 1.4 lbs from last week. In the last 3 weeks I have lost 15.8lbs. I will take it!
Until next time, be well.
Linda~
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Linda,
ReplyDeleteIt was good to see you last night. I am very proud of you and your hard work. It won't be long and you will be at the weight you are trying for. I include you in my daily prayers,
Grandma Kathy
It was so good to see you too Kathy! Your support means the world to me.
ReplyDeleteNanny Linda~